Meant2bme

Trying Something New

2011-07-24T14:09:00.000-07:00

Most of you know one of my bigger than big dreams is to have a line of greeting cards and stationary...to go along with my line of home goods. and since shakin things up with the move i've been feeling a lil frisky so i'm puttin it into my work.

Here's an initial attempt. I'd love to here what ya think...i think.

Poem c. 2000

2011-07-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

i been wanting to put some of my old writings up for a while now. and i just finished putting together a website for M2BM. and since there's been so much shakin' and moving around here i figured this was as good a time as any. enjoy.

they say i won't make it past tomorrow.
cuz when they look at me all they see
is the pain, the grief and the misery.
but i know that inside of me a seed it grows
and all it needs is a ray of hope
and the brights sunshine of possibility.
it takes me to fly so high above the trees.
it takes me to fulfill my destiny.

A New Adventure

2011-07-19T07:42:00.000-07:00

i know its been forever and a day...or at least it seems that way. and so much has happened and is happening since my last post...and i could spend all day aplogizing but...i would put off writing another day. which would turn into another month and next thing you know it'd be snowing outside. you get it? so let's just get on with the get on.

20x30 biggest painting to date...excited to do more!

i've benn in Atlanta for almost a month now. i know my plans were to move to Charlotte and i said id never, ever move back to the A...ever again. well i was wrong. and boy am i glad. this has been one of the most exciting, expanding, inspiring months i've had in i don't know how long. and ive been loving every minute of it.

8x12 a pretty big eyed, big haired girl

i have been enjoying old friends and making new ones. over a year ago i set out the intention to meet more like minded people. people like me. and for a girl who thought she was so alone on this planet and would never see an accurate reflection of who she really was....i have been happily proven wrong once again!

8x12 a lovely reminder not to listen to "them"

im so full of ideas and creativity. coming up to the time i decided to move back to atlanta, i realized the things i missed most and wanted back in my life were DISCOVERY, ADVENTURE & EXPLORATION. and i realized i could do that and still be responsible and still be a good mom. so one opportunity presented itself and i lept. then another and i lept again. and then another...well you get it.

my greatest work of art!

im so happy to be feeling more secure and confident in my personal guidance system. it feels good to start to trust myself again. it feels so good to get back to living again. and the world has been so welcoming and im welcoming it again. so you understand why i've been a little mia...but i'll try my best to keep this thing we've got going...because i like it. and i like you too.

HUGS & HOLLA BACKS!

Just a Few Growing Pains

2011-06-06T07:20:00.000-07:00

well i thought i'd update y'all on the ever closer move to Charlotte. it is still full speed ahead and i have a couple of interviews coming up this week (x ur fingers). you know it has been a real emotional and mental tug of war this thing. i have had to really release the notion that i should stay put just because i have a job and family here. its like cutting a zillion threads to what "they" say and following my own guidance system. and i tell you that sometimes it's been tuff for me to believe in the unseen.

before i had V i would jump up an go where ever, when ever. the running joke in our house is..."if it doesn't fit in the car...leave it!" i traveled very light and many times my life was like the sand on the beach, easily built and easily washed away. But now and i know i've talked about it before...the responsibility of being a single parent has made me much more cautious. and in many ways it has been good. but i do feel like i have to come to a middle ground and trust myself enough to know that i would never do anything to endanger my son's welfare.

with that being said i feel i need to tap into some more of that impulsive girl i once was. just because i became a mom doesn't mean the things i want have changed....i actually want more now. the anty has definitely been upped! And it's been a real test for me to add in the parts of the old me with the newer mommy me.

i realize i have to have more self-trust and stop looking at my life as a series of mistakes. it is instead has been a series of building blocks and lessons that have brought me to this point. i admit i was awful at paying bills, coming to work on time, knowing when to keep my trap shut, picking men..what ever it was, you name it i fucked it up.

so now here i am trying to make a 180 with out losing myself. and it ain't easy...not one bit.especially when you literally have another life depending on you. and i accept i will neva, eva, eva be a conventional, traditional chick. i was not made that way. but i still want to have success and happiness. so i'm left having to figure it out as i go while facing my own fears of not believing i can take care of us on my own.

that's the real deal of the whole thing right there in a nut shell. pow! at times, i am terrified that i can't do it but at the same time know i have no fucking choice but to make it happen. and sometimes i spend way to much time trying to figure out the HOWS instead of trusting in you know WHO.

i know somewhere along the way i chose this path. i know the Godverse has some super spectacular and sparkly things for me and mine. and this is just a test. a test to see if i will trust, if i will turn my eyes and ears from the world and turn them inward and listen to the message and see the vision that has been placed on my heart. and as long as i do that, when i do that...the fear subsides and things seem to fall into place perfectly. when i don't...well you don't wanna know what.

so here's to less nail biting and more trusting.

thanks for listening!

Journaling

2011-06-01T18:58:00.000-07:00

you know what i hate? edges. i hate painting edges. i see other people's art...im always peekin' and snoopin' around other artist's work...anyway i see these beautiful edges that just seem to extend off the page of the canvas. me. i dont even like to paint my edges. im not good with details. they overwhelm me. of course i like what "they" are doing more than what moi is up to. and i need to just do me damn it.

painting forces me push through my fears of rejection and notions of not being good enough. and sometimes i dont push though. i just sit there and stare at the canvas and decide...not tonight...not this week.

and other times...

I'm the Fly Girl of the Week!!

2011-05-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

Just poppin in to let you all know that this week i'm featured in on of the flyest ((hint, hing)) blogs in the blogosphere!! I have been following Andrea's Fly Girl blog for some years and am still hooked. She has always been and still is ahead of the game when exposing talented, stylish, ambishous and uber creative women of color.

she generously spotlights a Fly Girl of the Week, every week and this week IT'S ME!!!! you know we have not because we ask not. and sometimes when we ask we still think....nawwww, they ain't gonna pick me, little ol' me. but holla atcha girl!!!! she picked me for this week and im so over the moon.

so stop by and check me and Andrea out.

Teach me...Teach me how to Jougie

2011-05-23T18:12:00.000-07:00

well folks we're almost half-way around the track of 2011. i dont know why it seems like the older i get the faster the year goes by. and because of this i find i really have to get my ass in gear to get shit done. i have also realized its ok if some things fall by the wayside.

like laundry...i washed it & dried it one weekend...and then it sat in 2 big heaps on my bed until this past weekend. and guess what...it didn't bother me one damn bit. and when my munchkin needed his spider man underwear we just rifled through and bam there they were.

you wanna know why letting my room look like a laundry mat was just okie dokie with me?

a couple of weeks ago a vision of a circus performer juggling balls popped in my head. i saw him lightly tossing balls in the air, as he effortlessly caught another. and it dawned on me that it was ABSOLUTELY impossible for all the balls to be in the air at the same time. that little epiphany was like a huge gust of wind to my stale, dusty, old idea of doing it all.

and to take it another step i realized that a juggler...i think...starts with just one ball and then introduces another and when he's comfortable...then another....and another. tell me...what fool just tosses all the balls up at one time and gets anywhere but hit on the damn head?

yep, that would be me. with my head tucked under my arms trying to escape my own foolishness.

since i became a single mom i've just been throwing it all up in the air and hoping...praying...NO begging that everything would just stay up there long enough for me to wipe my ass in peace and take a quick nap. well you know what happened dontcha? i ended up being one tired and pissy mamacita.

all the bells went off in my head when i realized i had confused being a juggler with being a gotdam magician. you know a magician is only someone who spends a lot of time making you believe there are no strings attached to that hovering ball.

well im happy to report that now, aside from the bumps on my head, i'm a decent juggler for the most part. and when one ball falls, i stop, pick that one up and start back at it again. OR i just leave that lil m-effer right there and pick it up later. and if they all fall, well maybe it's time for a cocktail. and i have to say im getting into a rhythm now...mom, day slave, artist, wanna-be-blogger, aspiring business woman, soon to be sex goddess (as soon as i get my stomach smaller than my ass).

and im cool with leaving the dirty dishes in the sink over night, wearing the same bra 2...or more days in row AND getting to work late just about everyday. and you know why...cus at the end who really gives a fuck about all that crap anyway. the only three balls that count are living, loving and laughing. so ha-ha-ha damnit.

Say Cheese!

2011-05-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

i had a really bomb personal, professional moment almost 2 weeks ago and u know i have to share.

i had been looking for a photag to help me get my pro image going. of course i went to my bestie Craig's List and hit pay dirt with Bessie. she's this amazing and photagrapher/humanitarian/beauty queen AND mom. and she's from the A...so you know we hit it off right away and had a great shoot.
here are a few of my favs...there are many more but im not gonna make you completely gag with my ham-ness...

You know I realize now that i was wanting "others" to take me serious as an artist so i could then take me serious. and that shit had me really fucked up. have you ever felt like you needed to know how something was going to turn out before you moved forward? I think its a kinda common thing...which was good because when i realized it wasn't only me i knew i could do something about it...and this photo shoot was just that.

ive also put my money where my mouth is in a few other things and i'll be sharing somethings from the lab verrrry soon.

She also took some pics of me with my art....

And of course here we are at the end of the shoot...

Aren't we lovely? ;-)

I'm so thankful for the experience of moving forward with my dreams...giving 'em feet and wing's. and i know that when i take one step...the Universe takes like 10. and that feels really good.

Unexpected and Kinda Cool

2011-04-30T20:09:00.000-07:00

some how i found the ranky-dankiest laundry mat to wash my comforter. it was just me an this old man who looked like he moonlighted as Santa during Christmas. but after i got my quarters and wash going this place started to take on a personality of its own. so here's what it looks like when me & my iphone stumbled back in time.

My very 1st blog feature EVA!

2011-04-25T11:07:00.001-07:00

hey sweet peas! i have special post over at Do What You Love 4 Life. this is such a beautiful site by a very generous artist, business woman & sister girl Bethy-boo (yes that is her new official name.lol).

even though i sometimes shriek at my own life, i truly feel its healing for me to be as honest as possible about my experiences on this amazing, crazy, overwhelming journey as an artist and single mom.

i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i much i did writing it. and to my new angel Beth, thank you is simply not enough.

Letting 'em All In

2011-04-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

I've been going through stacks of old projects this week. Unfortunately I have Neva Good Enough syndrome. So I realized I was completing projects with out feeling any pride or sense of accomplishment. No matter what I felt like a failure. In turn I'd turn my attention else where ending up starting over or resigning to do things that I was passionate about because I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing I did was was worth two cents.And it didn't help that I had interests all over the board.

Well, the past two years have been full of learning and letting go. And while I'm def a work in progress I'm learning to accept and acknowledge myself. And with that, I also realize that whether than try and limit my interests I'm gonna let 'em all in. So in the spirit of putting it all out there and lovin what is....here are...with one eye closed...pics of some things I've done over the last five years.

Interior Design

This was my first room for my good fried Deanna. c. 2006

A "soft" zen dining room for a client in Atlanta. c. 2007

The living room for the same house.

This was my last project before I moved to DC in 2009. As I look back I kinda like it.

Kid's Room Hangers

I made these for one of my bestie's little boys.

Wall Art

c. 2007

Photography

c. 2009 @ a Park in Greensboro

c. 2009

c. 2007 Atlanta

c.2007 Atlanta


The last 3 pics were taken in my good friend's beautiful backyard. I still really like these pics		c. 2007

A juicy blog-over

2011-04-13T13:56:00.001-07:00

If you're reading this then yo are also lookin @ my new juicy blog make over! I get happy jus lookin at her. But I can't take the credit. E Dubb a very talented designer and etsy seller was able to sift through all my all over the place-ness to create a colorful, clean and modern design that I think screams MEEEE! Well I'm BWD (bloggin while driving) but I jus couldn't wait to introduce her to the world. More later.

SMOOCHES!!

Journaling

2011-04-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

i have a lot of energy this morning. and my mind is going a zillion different places. bouncing. rolling. jumping. doing back flips inside my head. im not thinking much about work even though im here. i can't wrestle it in. slippery little thing the mind. it wants to play and i need to work. i have a week off for spring break at the end of april. hopefullyi will be able to get some creative play in then. i usually start thinking about all the things i need to get done and my vacays turn into work days. we'll see

i haven't been painting much in the last couple of weeks. i've been plotting my move and making plans for my t-shirt line. sometimes the ideas get so big they won't fit in my body. i want to be more flexible and allow them to expand me like those balloons at party city. just let them fill me up and i float off into the sky. that sounds really nice. not fighting against my dreams with my fists of reality. organization. time lines. comparisons. expectations. i want to surrender more and think less about how its going to work out. and when its going to work out. i want to see it as already worked out. or at least see that it is working out. i can sometimes. but i realize patience is not my strong suit. i want it all and i want it now. i know. coo coo for co co puffs.

so ill pretend im that balloon. letting life fill me up. and im floating.

Where the He!! Have I Been?

2011-04-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

okay so im gonna try and make this quick. the quicker i post the less i obsess. the less i obsess the more likely you are to read this TODAY not one day in July. isnt it great to witness my neurosis in all it's glory. thanks. ur such a pal.

so its been damn near 2 weeks since i posted. quite the opposite of my 3-4 times a week goal. and i say to that..HA! what the fuck was i thinking. i beat myself up for oly posting once a week and now look. damn. never good enough i know. i only like doing the things i cant do. if i can do it with ease...im not all that interested. didn't you know, life's supposed to be hard as hell. so im right on track with that one right? NOT!! its not but i see i have a tendancy to make it that way. and its no easy cliff to back away from. but i shall dam it...i shall. and starting with today. i refuse to apologize for not making this blog the grammy/emmy/bet/mtv/greatest blog ever winning blog in the whole frickin blogos-thing-a-ma-jig.

the truth is i have A LOT of shit going on. like...

my muse has taken a turn and has me in a new creative direction. i have long dreamed of having my own line of sassy and inspirationial t-shirt line. when i say long, i mean like 7 or 8 years ago and well it has resurfaced in full force and taken me by storm. i feel so inspired by the vision. i also feel so frustrated by not being able to do it EXACTLY how i want to. and i also feel so anxious that if i don't do it now then it might be too late. i know those last 2 are nutin but the devil knockin on my door. "get out a her you dam demon you!" but overall im truly excited and feeling even closer to my authentic creative voice. so more on that a lil later...and its gonna be sooo good!

i have also finally decided its time to move out of my mom's place and start looking for a job in charlotte...i sure hope no one from my current j.o.b. is reading this. oh well. if you are please know i have enjoyed my time but it's time to move on. but anyway...i've been out on the track like a hooker in high heels peddlin my resume all over the net. my intended move date is MAY 15. that also means ive been looking for an apartment and daycare. and hopefully they'll all be near each other (fingers and toes crossed). i can't believe ive been back in nc for almost a year and living with my mama to boot. and we have not tried to poison or choke each other not one time. dam now that's progress. but i feel i've mended my wings and its time to fly again. i'm really excited and of course ill keep ya posted.

i think even more than the 5 or 6 physical directions ive been going in, my mind has been just as full. there are some big things on the horizon...good things...and im having to really process it and keep the voices in my head at bay. i could say so much about that but the bottom line is i won't be deterred by anyone...not even myself. so take that you over-active, extra-critical, scared-to-death inner critic. i got your number!

ok luv ya but gotta go. i hope to be back very, very soon!

holla!

I'm jus sayin...a Rant on Responsibilty

2011-03-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

where in the hell did we learn this bull shit that even if you don't like doing something you should still do it?

as if the more unhappy, uncomfortable, unsatisfied you are the more responsible you are. "just stick with it. "you'll learn to like it." "after all, that is the responsible thing to do." well im here to tell you its bull shit. i dont like doing things that are unfullfilling, boring, redundant and rooted in paperwork. im sorry ive tried...for like 15 years. and im tired of feeling bad about it.

so now what? i feel like standing up and the reading the memo from jerry mcguire. i know it was a movie but i really think he was on to something. he risked it all, stuck his neck out there, fucked up, learned a valuable lesson and got the girl and the check in the end. i hear the voice in my head saying..."be realistic j." and i say back.. i know i have 2 mouths to feed and by no means will jeopardize that. but in no way does that mean that i can't take solid steps, measurable steps toward my own personal definition of happiness. no matter how grand, outrageous and blinged out it is.

and how responsible is it to put yourself in any position where you are unfulfilled, disrespected and unrecognized for your true talents? would we tell our children to seek out such a hell?so here's the big bird to the old idea, the lie, the manipulation, the down right abuse of responsibility. and here's a hug to the new responsibilty...the one that forces us to be honest and fearless about our dreams and desires. now that's real responsibilty.

hugs & holla backs

Inspiration Wednesday

2011-03-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

i love IT when i just stumble into a rabbit hole of creativity. i was looking at one thing and saw a name and googled (just realized "google" is a real verb.) it and then found that name and next thing you know... so when i found this artist's work i was like oooh, aaah, wow, chuckle-chuckle, dam.

a couple of the main reasons i love magazines so much are because of the clever illustrations and how they turn words into art. i confess, im a typography nerd and in another life i would gladly be a short balding white dude if i could do this kind of stuff. not to say joseph newton is a short balding dude. im just sayin its almost worth a pinky toe to have this sort of range and aptitude creatively and technically. ok, ill just stop while im ahead.

enjoy.

and these are JUST his frickin' doodles!

One Cute Room Coming Up!

2011-03-11T09:59:00.000-08:00

we've been living with my mother now for about 9 months. It's been a wonderful opportunity for Vincent and her to bond an a great chance for me to start rebuilding our foundation. With that being said, i believe it's time to start charting our next course. i have wanted to move to Charlotte since he was a baby when we lived in atl. its got the country feel with the city view. perfect for a chic like me.

i also know that for me i need to start seeing us there and the first thing i start doing in my mind is decorating. so as usual im in the mags and on line, but really i can think about my son's room. i think its so important for a child to have space they can make their own and take ownership for. and this would be, after almost 4 years, his first room. so its very important. no its most important. so here are some rooms that are giving me the oooh and awwe feeling.

hgtv.com

he used to be obsessed with Toy Story. hes moved on to another hero but i still love this turquoise and orange palette! i could paint my whole house shades of turquoise.


decorpad.com this one and all the ones below.

i like how the table and blackboard invite activity and play.

as you can see i love chalkboards in this and the previous pic.

oh yeah, luvin maps too and how the globes are hanging. the color is kinda mature but the colors of the map and toys pop against it. a maybe.

and i love bookcases 4 storage and how it separates the room.love the layout. a no to the waves. id ad dinosaurs and a table with chairs on the other side of the book shelves.

i love storage so much. id lower it for him. great use for a small space.

these 2 are the most modern and i love this last one so much. i want his room to be rough and tumble so i might swap the retro couch (personally i love it but not for him) for a boxed arm & back love seat. and the lamp is cool but wouldn't last a day. a fun sconce would be cute though.

Single Mom Poem

2011-03-09T19:15:00.000-08:00

Its hard as hell

finding time to blog.

a list a mile long...

frustrating.

blew the whole

3 per week thing.

oh well.

i did shower

3 times this week.

what would i do
with out small victories?

Color, Design & Style Inspiration

2011-03-06T12:35:00.000-08:00

Since picking up the Brides mag last month it is becoming a real staple for cute stuff. I like everything about their magazine except the dresses. odd. but anyway. ive gotten hip and am checking them out at the library. so much more bang for my buck and a real motivation to keep those astronomical late fees to a minimum.

anyway, this month's isn't actually this months. its from Feb of this year. but still just as cute as if it were this month's. these are some great color combos and not just for weddings. they're great for interiors and fashion. and the styling of the shoot is divine. so many goodies beautifully crammed into just one frame.

BLUSH + ORANGE

this colore makes that perfect coral that soft, fun and with a lil luxury AND the charles david lace, peep-toe booties are so sweet and slutty at the same time. yum.

i cant say enough about how happy i am to see a woman of color in this ad. she is so beautiful and im lovin that they left her hair natural. not a big fan of the dress but the want to snatch the Badgley Mischka earrings straight off the page...can you say marrakesh?

PALE BLUE+BONE

the bow on that Amanda Pearl shoe! too many things to pick just one.*

is she fly or what? i cant get enough of her (in the most hetero way possible). check the sequined Adriana Orshini earrings and Santi bangle.*

EMERALD+CHARTREUSE

i guess this could be called monochromatic but it has so much pop its def not mono on style.

luv miss thang but the chenille chair is the stunner in this pic! i love a modern color on a classic piece. i had a pair of suede Bennetton penny loafers in the exact colors. i was a head of my time....(oh, snap out of it)

PURPLE+PEACOCK

they saved the best for last. this set up is oplulance at its best. can u say upgrade! yes, yes, yes to the whole thing.

and i think this is the best shot of missy also. well this and the bone is a very close 2nd. i dont think they could've picked a better model for this shoot. the details calls it retro chic. its just fab.

*i was unable to find websites for these designers but their items are in lots of various shops online.

Glittery Nail Alert

2011-02-28T18:36:00.000-08:00

if you dont know...i loooove nail polish. i did a stint as a nail tech in the early 90's and being a lover of color and expression...nail polish is a great and inexpensive way to show off your personality. so in honor of me getting my creative mojo going i decided to find something inspired my katy perry fame.

and boy did i find it.

orly.com

this is one of the colors from orly cosmic FX line for the spring. and this is what temptalia had to say about It’s Not Rocket Science

"Intergalactic, Planetary"

"it's an olive green base with darkened chartreuse and teal shimmer. It looks rather chartreuse-y at some angles, while in others, it almost looks emerald green as the teal comes into play."~temptalia

then i added this silver sparkly stuff and...

BADOW!! i know my iphone doesnt do it justice but trust me its like a 3-dimentional rabbit hole. you already had the green, turquoise thing goin on and then with the silver on top of it...it was like looking at a vegas night sky. i love it sooo much. i say WAS because you know it only lasted a few day. i wash my hands a gazillion times a day. but i will say this, because of the glitter its really easy to paint over the chips and you can't tell AT ALL!

well that's all for now.

hugs & holla back! xoxo

Oh yeah, i left this out...

2011-02-28T17:07:00.000-08:00

since i posted yesterday i couldnt shake the feeling that there were some things i left out. honestly, after writing and re-writing i realized i had stopped editing my words and started editing my voice. i didnt want my mouth to write a check my ass couldnt cash. so i punked out jus a lil bit. and wasnt that the point of what not to do in the first place? so fuck it. so here's what i didn't say in part 1.

1. i understand this blog is not going to be everyone. no blog is. you may think it boring, scatter brained, foul mouthed, just plain too much information or all of the above. if you are one of those people i have to tell you...and i mean this in the best possible way...peace out. i wont miss you and im kinda looking forward to turning some people off.

2. if you think you might want to hang out here with all your dreams and fucked up-ness this is what you are liable to find.

im a growth and development junkie and i love squawking about my aha moments
im also a glam-hog. if it's shiny and expensive i probably like it. so pics on top of pics of high priced stylish interiors and fashions...that i plan to one day own will surely show up here
you'll get a really-do look at my life as a single mom raising the cutest, smartest and loudest most demanding 3 year old on the planet.
my creative mumbo jumbo...i'll post new and old, paintings, furniture, poems, essays....im cringing
id also like to feature creative people i find inspiring...such a looooong list
uhm, uhm i cant thing of anything else. but to cover my bases...anything goes

i really want to get up to posting multiple times a week and have these catchy titles for weekly topics. but we'll see how that goes.

i think that's enough for now if i think of anything else...you know ill let you know.

hugs & holla back

The Reclamation of ME

2011-02-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

i love hip-hop music. and if you pull up next to me at a red light you are liable to see me in my mom van bobbin my head to lil wayne and daydreaming about me, him and my 2-piece on south beach. (yes, i know he’s only a little taller than my son and has stones for teeth…just let me have this one). On the other hand you can also catch me in deep reflection while listening to the wise words of wayne dyer. and yes we’re in maui and ive traded the 2-piece for a citrus colored sarong. what can i say…im in love with two waynes.

if you are still reading this, maybe you are getting the point of this post. maybe not. but if you're still reading that's good enough for me.

since i picked back up the paint brush and the pen almost a year ago, i have found myself struggling to find my own authentic voice. i hear it in my head and even see it in my mind’s eye but when i go to create it, it becomes illusive like smoke and at same time stiff, like hard cement.

don’t get me wrong. i know why this is. over the years i have brainwashed myself into believing that because my delivery of the message was different from what I see in the main stream that there is no place for me. and that basically I had to become creatively anorexic so no one will be offended or God forbid, un-friend me on facebook or stop following my blog.

through a powerful coaching process im enrolled in i now realize this is so much bigger than some paint flung on a canvas. this is about all the ways i have choked the life out of my dreams and watered down my passions because i couldn’t understand how all my opposites could survive, let alone thrive in this one body. many times I have set the fire of my desire only to go back and create a perimeter of water around it so it didn’t get out of control.

because what would happen if my dreams and passions burned like wildfire? lord help us if they took over and I became a slave to my soul’s deepest longings.

this blog has become such a wonderful mirror for my spirit. i see how i've been on the side lines of my own life and wondering why no one will throw me the ball. as far as here i have let some personal things about me out of the bag. but i have also struggled with how much to share, how to share it and if anyone would really give a damn.

M2BM started out an artistic outlet. but it has reignited my love of writing and reminded me that i am a natural communicator and storyteller. it has also reminded me of the lighter, more playful side of my life that i thought i had to trade in for the responsible single-mom card. i want to inspire and connect with people. i just have to do it my way. and @ 36 years old I realize im not gonna change. and why should i?

i'm now ready to get on with accepting my smart, sexy, ambitious, sensitive, creative, spiritual self. and that also includes accepting my potty mouthed, know-it-all, insecure, nerdy, stuck-up, shallow self as well. and i got a inklin' that this is exactly how im gonna find my REAL place in this world. and that alone makes all the bull shit ive put myself through sooo worth it.

so this blog and i may go through a few tweeks until we find our groove. but our groove we will find. i am sure of that. and until next time, thanks for lettin me bend your ear.

XOXO

Introducing....My Dreams

2011-02-21T19:31:00.000-08:00

y'all know i was hesitant to put a picture of my vision board up. if you've ever wanted more than what you currently have you know why. these dreams are like my babies. except they're not babies anymore. ive nursed, nurtured and cuddled as much as any over bearing...hyper-critical...super opinionated...yet well meaning mother can.

it's their turn to take center stage. to stretch their legs and wings...to run and to fly. they don't belong to me anymore. they are apart of the gifts i was given so i can gift them back. the board and lists below are not conclusive. i am sure i am still holding on to the youngest most tender ones. but their time will come too...and soon. but for now let me introduce you to my Dreams.

i have ALWAYS wanted to travel the world

these rooms are me to a t...and remind me of why i love interior design...sooo much

the cutest room for the cutest little boy...this is by far the most important picture on my board!

this is a pic of an artis studio....that id give my pinky toe for.

a quote by Tory Burch that is so me.

love the quote and that beautiful Michele watch.

"O" took spirituality mainstream but Debbie, Byron and Iyanla are some of the major pioneers.

i love the way he's kissing her forehead....

in the short term i intend to...

get back into interior design

go on an artistic and/or spiritual retreat

guest blog on a popular creative/ growth and development website

have 500 blog followers

move V and me to Charlotte and in our on space

have my art sold in two retail spots

create and maintain a healthy eating and exercise routine

appear as Fly Girl of the Week

perform on stage

be a part of local art exhibit

become certified in an energy/healing/coaching modality

attend a creative writing workshop

take a vacation in a tropical local

now that i'm warmed up here are some of my even bigger...scared to whisper dreams

be a contributing writer and artist for a national magazine

become 100% self-employed as an artist/writer/speaker

create a one-woman stage show

try my hand at stand-up comedy

meet the man of my dreams and build a new family

work with one or more of the leading spiritual leaders (anyone from Hay House!)

create a successful line of home decor and accessories

spend at least 3-4 months out of the year living abroad

have a stylish luxury wardrobe

with love,

M2BM

Growing Like a Weed

2011-02-11T19:19:00.000-08:00

When my son was younger (yep hes a whole 3 yrs old now) i took an obscene amount of pictures of him. It was rediculous. but i had never seen anyone i loved so much or who was so dam gorgeous or who changed with almost every breath. well, ive gotten lazy in the last 6 months & we've gotten into our pattern and daily habits. and these days his vocabulary is growing faster than his body.

the other day he said he was "Umongous".

but the other day we were outside on one of those singular sunny warm days in between slush and rain and just plain cold...and he ran over into the field next to our house (yes i live in the country...the real country) and i had to put down my mags, whip out my iphone to capture him and all his divine toddler manliness.

The other thing that's special about these pics are that he is playing in the same yard and field i played in as a child. there were lots of rough spots in my childhood but this yard is the place of many of my happiest childhood memories. it's where i learned to ride a bike, a go-cart AND a riding lawnmower. it's where we, since we didnt have any neighbors near by, could run till we got tired. now it's where he can run until he gets tired.

i just love how his outfit happens to match the landscape.

and the blue sky...that blue sky was like forever.

Magazine Dreams...The Spring Issue

2011-02-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

okay, so i love magazines. i mean i really love them. before i bought diapers, i bought magazines. and lots of them. as a child my mother shopped thrift stores almost exclusively. so when she was rifling through racks and piles of second hand treasures i was over in my own world ravaging through stacks and stacks of out-of-date Teen and National Geographic magazines.

that girl to the right is our own Ms. Whitney Houston!

still one of my favorite covers...iconic.

Yeah, that's one hell of a spectrum. But they were both my eyes to this very overly protected, pentacostal, country girl's world. i realize they were how i learned to dream.

well, not much has changed. accept for the fact that a special little someone is out of diapers and i now have a few extra coins to myself. so this weekend i splurged and bought TWO whole magazines. and all i did for the majority of the weekend was devour them...one scintillating page after another.

so this post is ode to a little girl learning to dream again. and what better way than with my home girl Oprah and the fashion obsessed Lucky. and i was also pleasantly surprised to find some really inspiring things in Martha Stewart's Real Simple Weddings. And the crazy thing is i NEVER look at wedding mags but the line at walmart so dang long and my son was flirting with the lady behind us. so i was just browsing. and boy did i see some some of the most colorful and juicy things in there. who would a thunk it? it also got me thinking about some of those OTHER dreams...if you get my drift. but later for that. enjoy the visuals and have a great week. ((hugs))

Lucky Mag

all are from O except shoes they're Lucky...if i just had someone to carry me around when i wore them.

O Mag

Real Simple Weddings

Lucky Mag

Sharpening the Saw

2011-02-02T17:36:00.000-08:00

sooo its an accomplishment in and of itself that i found time to post twice in one week. i think its been twice. its been twice in the last seven days. that's good enough for me. i also stole away an hour or so for myself today. im hiding out at the barnes & nobles until i go pick up my son from daycare. so ive gtot about 20 minutes to chit chat and post...so if this post is short and pretty pointless...bare with me. i have no idea what im whats gonna come this..i know you understand.

ive got a lot going on lately and all the balls in the air are making me a little pissy. So i ran through my mind trying to figure what the dealy was and i was surprised with what i came up with.

its me. simple huh. i have changed. im changing. im dreaming again. im stretching again. im asking again. and like the blade being sharpened on the stone it is really rubbing my nerves.

circa 2008

i recently used this same analogy with one of my adult students before i had my lil aha moment. he was frustrated at not knowing some pretty basic grammar principles. i told him he was stretching and learning something that his mind is trying to reject because it has known something else for sooo long. i told him to breathe and be patient. that it would click soon enough and he'd test out of my class and be one step closer to his high school diploma.

i realize my students (and everyone close to me) are some real teachers for me sometimes (all the frickin time). i want to be a better painter now. i want to be a full time artist now. i want to feel like im on my true spiritual path now. i want to have income that allows me to finally move my son and me out into our own space NOWWWW. and don't let me get started on my personal life.

c. 2008

and in all this wanting and recognizing what i don't have i started discounting what i have accomplished...as an artist, as a mom, as a spiritual seeker.

so i want to take a minute to acknowledge all that i...and you are doing. i know what i want sometimes seems so far from where i am. but i have to realize that my (our) blade is getting sharper with every action i (we) take toward my dreams. so my advice to myself today (and some of y'all too)

breath
chill out
stop taking everything so effin serious
find some time for yourself (even if you have to hide in a closet)

and then hopefully we'll find things are really going better than we know.

<3

Grace

2011-01-29T21:26:00.000-08:00

i had a topic for today but of course there's more pressing things on my heart. you know this whole forgiveness thing has become like an onion. a really big onion....lots of layers...lots of tears. i'm finding it hard to forgive when i still have an expectation of someone or some result. THEY SHOULD be this way or THEY SHOULD do this thing. LIKE my forgiveness should change them in some way...so they can be more deserving of it. now i know that's a crock of shit but...well no buts. its b.s.

as i was driving to work this morning, thinking of all the reasons why i was right to hold a grudge...i realized even if i was "RIGHT" a grudge and forgiveness can not - under any circumstance live in the same house. and it seems like the big F has moved in and put up her big feet on my couch. So guess who came prancing through the door ready to give my grudge a swift kick in the toockas. miss GRACE herself. her smell was sweet and her walk left petals across my heart.

journal page

and somehow she destracted me from my rightness just long enough to linger in her...lovliness is all i can call it. she was powerful and loving all at the same time. my heart felt so full that i couldn't be mad or irritated or hurt for a whole 60 seconds. she allowed me to detach from the outcome and revel in my on good feeling. which is much better than wallowing in my pissy-ness.

don't get me wrong, im still in a learning phase with all of this OPEN HEART stuff. but i'm truly in awe of how far reaching this healing work is. For me, Grace is like giving someone the benefit of the doubt times 100. it means making a decision to feel some sort of kindness toward someone who you'd you rather seen hit by a mack truck...needless to say it takes a lot of practice. good thing i've got the rest of my life.

i think i'll need it. <3

A Lil Weekend Show & Tell

2011-01-23T11:13:00.000-08:00

hey gang! im gonna try my best to push this post out with out too much fussy mussy. its been a great week and ive been taking more pics with my new iphone so i decided to stop holding them hostage and let them be free!!

this is my silly boy. i was trying to get him dressed so we could get off on our weekend adventure. he is always finding ways to make people laugh. and it usually works.

i went to a fantabulous art journaling class yesterday in southern pines, nc....bout an hour up the road. our fearless leader Jodi Ohl headed up an intimate group. one of my goals for '11 is to art journal. it was so freeing and inspiring. im still on a high from it. more pics below.

sorry for the tech difficulities. i just figured it would be easier for you to turn your computer or your head up-side-down. (hee-hee)

the subtitle says "Scream out your goodness" except there's no "a" in scream...oops!

she is wayyyy over the top! and purely experimental. gotta work on it. LOL

i do like this though. im gonna use it later on a bigger piece.

like this too.

ok, that didn't take too long. its just that its 2 pm and...well let's just say im not presentable AT ALL! There's lots more going on and I have lots more to say...so till later this week. SMOOCHIE SMOOCH!

Swaddle Someone Today

2011-01-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

you know, its funny how things happen isn't it? It's like one thing happens and it reminds you of this other thing that happened and that reminds you of this thing you thought you forgot or didn't even care about that happened so long ago. and the next thing you know you're sitting there at the light blowing your nose with a Wendy's napkin trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Well that's how it always seems to happen to me.

I could go into the details but I don't think they matter much. Well maybe just a little. I was loving someone REALLY hard. And I made the terrible mistake of telling myself it didn't matter if I was being loved back. And while things seemed to be moving along smoothly...well at least that was the b.s. I was slinging, my insides were having a major allergic reaction. I mean major.

So out of pure necessity I realized I had to do a take back or I was going to implode completely. And it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. But what was even harder was the realization that that I didn't believe that I deserved to be loved AT ALL.

And with that AHA moment my heart broke wide the eff open. period. that's all I can say. And every piece of pain rolled out like thunder. If you've been reading my blog, you know I was pretty jacked up for a couple of months.

But while I was in such a dark place I knew I had to hold on. I knew that it wasn't happening TO me, it was happening THROUGH me. Labor is all i can compare it to...especially the part with the poop if you know what i mean. Everything funky had to come out for a life to be born. And just like breathing was the most critical part of managing my labor pains, forgiveness became my breath through my this time.

And I tell you forgiveness has and continues to change my life. It is like meeting someone and you two become fast and close friends. You understand each other, you cheer each other on. You look past the flaws and see the shine. I realize as i am writing that forgiveness has allowed me to become that friend to myself. It allows me to genuinely acknowledge my mistakes and turn them in to lessons and blessings.

And more importantly it has changed how I interact with people and treat myself. I can now admit that I served compassion up sparingly. Basically if you were over the age of six...forget about it. You had to be DESERVING of it in my book. Can you imagine ME thinking I was the accurate barometer of who should receive compassion? But I realize now that every time I denied compassion to another I was also denying it to myself.

And with this new found compassion comes a sort of self swaddling that I can't even put into words. It's warm and safe and full of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.And it makes me want to find ways to swaddle more. So try a little swaddling today.Wrap yourself in what ever you need.. Then wrap someone else even tighter. You both deserve it!

xoxoSMOOCHESxoxo

Yummy Goodies for 2011

2011-01-13T15:19:00.000-08:00

One thing my friends and family know about me is that i looove thrift stores and hunting for second hand "stuff" And since Ebay and Craig's List hit the scene it has only fed my hunger for finding trash and turning it into treasure.

Well, i feel like i've hit the pick 3 the other day. i was on CL looking for a wheeled chair so i could more easily get around my art space and a bookcase for my son's growing collection of books and toys. Little did i know i would find a junk yard angel, in my back yard no less.

i got all of these panels and frames for a big fat ZERO! I can't believe it. y'all know how expensive supplies can be so it's a double wammy when i can save some dough and re-use old items. Oh yeah, i found the bomb executive chair on wheels for 20 buckaroos and a bookcase for $35.

They say there's nothing new under the sun. These prints mounted on woods seem like predecessors to today's mixed media. I think they are so cool. But they will be re-purposed with some 2011 prints.

and this mamma-jamma is a whoppin 35x40. My biggest canvas to date. Yippee!

this has that baroque type frame. i almost don't wanna paint over it. The title is "The Coqueta" and she is working that vase!

i've been looking everywhere for a really ornate frame to paint with a pop of color. i found it!

SHE is sooooo comfy.

So I'm really inspired about these goodies and plan on making some cool stuff in '11. Speaking of, here is my first painting of the year. I have started loosenin up more on the last few pieces. And this is the first one where i used pastels and pencils along with my paint. I was really fun to make.

And it's really just hitting me how hard i am on myself. i hadn't acknowledged how much i've grown as an artist. I was only April of '10 that i picked my brushes up after a verrrrry long break. It was Kelly's book that just spoke to that part of me that said she was too broke and too busy to paint.

I focus so much on what i want to improve on that i have neglected to tell my inner girly how proud i am that she is doing something she loves and is so committed to it. Well, here's to you darling...and to all of us. SMOOCHES!

i like the text to....ode to all of us with weight loss plans for the new year.

Embracing Different Perspectives

2011-01-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Hey y'all! We're one week into the new year and there have been so many good changes, inside and out. I really want to thank all of you who stopped by and left such warm and beautiful words. I am still in awe of the ripple of support and acceptance born out of our Flying Lesson. I love all of y'all and look forward to this year's journey.

I was working on this piece at the end of the year and even scanned in the pics. But am just getting around to posting them here (embracing my procrastination).

After I finished the background, I started turning this piece all different directions to find the best position for my text. Then I decided to pull out a matting with a 5X7 opening to play with some different views..and i was pleasantly surprised. So here are my top 4 combos.

with out the view finder

I ordered my printer and paper last week so I'm excited to try them all out!

Speaking of perspectives, I'm so grateful to how the softening of my shell and the allowance of forgiveness has just begun to shift how I see myself, my circumstances and my gifts. I am humbled by this process and so anticipating all that is to come this year.SMOOCHES!

A Word for 2011

2011-01-04T08:33:00.000-08:00

I usually pick a word that defines how I want to go into the new year. I don't think too much about it, it just has a natural reoccurance in my life. Well this year everybody's picking a word. Maybe they always did I was just so disconnected from any like minded community, i didn't know about it. But being a rebel and a little bit of a prick from time to time I decided NO WORD FOR ME! I'm going against the grain...even if it's just for grain's sake (i know, i know).

But what I didn't realize was the word had already chosen me.

Then when I did realize it I said to myself, "Self, how can that word possibly last all year long? Once you got it, you got it right?" And then i thought, I don't want to beat a dead horse. And does this word bring up too many bad memories that I have to sift through?

Well, I soon uhm how do you say, humbled myself to the truth. The truth that this word never gets old and is so underused and misunderstood that I could find a million ways to use it, to share it, to meditate on it. So much so that it could become my word for life. I know this because when I think of it my heart swells and the tears well up in my eyes. My mind goes to all the names & faces that I owe this word to. Some I am asking for it and others I'm giving it to.

The word is FORGIVENESS.

I can barely type it with out becoming a blubbering mess. I mean in my intellectual mind I know life is short and there are too many things to do other than hold on to any grudge or ill memory. But my ego with it's marathon memory and Olympic strength has the will and power to hold on to some really old shit. And with that same will and power it is able to justify all its own wrongs.

And what I have realized is that FORGIVENESS leads to all sorts of beautiful words that through it's healing power I can more fully embrace. Words like...

APPRECIATION...FUN....LIGHT HEARTEDNESS... LAUGHTER......CREATIVITY...INTIMACY...CONNECTION...

PEACE.

So with that being said, I embark on a new soul's journey. One that has already began to crack that now useless hard exterior that used to protect me. One that will surely leave me more vulnerable, more authentic and more receptive to love...and hopefully to more forgiveness.

Finding Myself in the New Year

2011-01-01T21:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays you guys. It's been a couple of weeks and I've thought about all the things I'd say when I came back to this space. And I think y'all understand how life and all it's facets can usurp time assigned for other things. I've been ironing out kinks and getting some well deserved rest and believe I'm just in time for a new blogging relationship in 2011.

All in all I have am so grateful to be in the midst of such an unfolding. and have some of the new truths i want to take with me in the new year.

We can start over any time, as many times as we like.
NO MATTER WHAT we deserve to be loved, accepted and supported.
Love truly is forgiving and for giving.
We deserve to receive and give this wonderful gift.
No matter how it feels, the pain, grief and shame won't kill us if we allow ourselves to ride the wave of it.

I'm happy to report my crying spells have subsided. I'm getting used to the vulnerable-ness of my heart and hope I can stay present enough to remain that way. Being is a real practice.

On a more materialistic and superficial note (loving my deep and shallowness LOL) I got a new Iphone 4 for Christmas!! I am so stoked. It's like a new baby. She is so precious and I can't wait to use all her gadgets and thingamabobs. I feel so up to date and current. Funny for a girl who grew up way on the outside of all things cool. I'm hoping it makes my blogging and social community building more seamless...and regulated.

Well, it's late and the pitter patter of little feet will up and running early in the morning. So I'll end with a heart felt Happy New Year and new day to each of you. Thank you for your words of encouragement, support and all that good stuff.

Smooches!

On Givin' Myself a Break

2010-12-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

true, its been a whopper of a couple of weeks. and i'm real good, i mean real good at being hard on myself. so when i saw this poem (one of my favs) on a fellow blogger's site i had to repost. i haven't been feeling very deserving of my own good words to myself. I know that's not me but sometimes, like now i do feel the need to sit in the ashes, mourn and allow me to just be in it for a minute. so these words, i will use as my own today.

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~by William Ernest Henley

Still Just Being

2010-12-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

Well, um, its been about a week and a half since my last post and i really should be in bed but i was inspired by jenn lemen's blog and decided to take a lip gloss and comb free self pic/video(i tried to upload but took forever...still learning how to use it. but when i figure it out i will post it so you can see me in all my coo-cooness.). i really want to connect more with myself and others more authentically. i have to admit its been almost a week since i "liquified". i don't feel bad. i dont feel the same either and i dont think i want to. im a little wobbly with new legs but im very expectant.

and i have been painting. which is good. this is a piece im working on...or maybe its finished for someone very close to me. i didnt over think it or have a real expectation and i like how it turned out.

well, its time for bed or im gonna end up watching the real housewives of atl for the umpteenth time. night night.

On Just Being

2010-11-24T10:50:00.000-08:00

i guess in life and this blog - i try to be funny and interesting. i want you to come back, to like me, to subscribe to whatever i'm peddling. i think I've always been that way.Well today i dont really have the energy or desire to try. so im a just be.

i feel like a layer of me is being rubbed off. maybe more than one.

its uncomfortable.

im raw.

i cried a good part of my trip to atlanta. i know why and then i dont know why. it was good though.

long drives on the highway are the only times i have alone with myself these days.

the tears are still just behind my eyes.

i feel butterflies.

i also feel the seams of trying to hold it all in are wearing thin and some things are starting to leak out.

its very uncomfortable.

i want to distract myself, to buy something, to move to a new city, to tell a joke, to get a tattoo.

its very uncomfortable.

there's a rumbling inside that i can't quite put my finger on.

but i know the timing is perfect. but for what, i'm not sure.

it feels like there's a magnet pulling the stuff deep down that i hide and ignore and pretend isn't there, to the surface of my life.

its pulling my card. and showing me the lies i tell myself

about me not being judgmental or not being scared to death that no one will ever really love ME.

it has hooked a string around all my feelings of lonliness and isolation, inadequacy and jealousy.

and like master fisherman it's realing it all up from the murky bottom for all to see.

i can't hide much longer. and what a relief.

you see my grip is weak and i admit asked for this.

and it seems the call was heard and the waves are pushing against the sand.

did i say it was uncomfortable? very?

so i sit back and wait and just be.

This, That and the Other

2010-11-17T14:46:00.000-08:00

Well I just lost my whole freaking post...and I'm kinda pissed about it. I was gettin all deep working through issue #3,246 and wham i don't know what the eff happened. well needless to say i'll take it as a sign. "stop talking about it and just do it." said the Universe. So I'm off to complete my week 3 homework for my art class (im a week behind).

i will leave you birdies with some pics of some work that either; a) I just completed after some months 2) just started and finished or 3) just got around to scanning in.


a) i just got around to scanning. it's been done since the summer.

b) just finished after some eons. i've been workin on Miss Thang for a while but just finished her last week. 7.5 X12 recycled cabinet door.


Now i must say i love this one. it makes me smile everytime i read it. its the ultimate motivational saying. 7 X 8.5 recycled board.

or c) this one and the one above are NEW PIECES. i really love this abstract x-mas tree. the world is made from my most loved material, cardboard. 6X6 gallery wrapped canvas

did i mention i got a new scanner(im sure i did its ALL im talking about right now. im more excited about this than when i got my mom-osine. the pictures are so vibrant. and its so fast and smooth and easy to use. i luv her so much i might have to name her. and it does make it a little easier not having my camera for now.

Any who, there they are. My next goal is to get my printer - the Epson 1400 to be exact. Miss Juliette Crane, a fellow flyer recommends it. It's kinda sorta in my budget so I'ma make the plunge....then comes the ink, paper, backers, mailers, return labels, business cards. Even though its quite an investment right now, I know the only way anyone else will take me serious as an artist is if I do the same. All in. SMOOCHES!

On Not Knowing I Was Uptight...

2010-11-10T18:33:00.000-08:00

I'm goin' in to my 3rd week of my PAINT FREE class with the wonderful Miss Wyanne. I think I told you, the class is about finding your unique voice as an artist. And you already know this is my...how do you say...let's call it what it is. It's my excuse not to paint more. I'm always searching for one thing or another. So this is no differnt, and always uncomfortable being where I AM. Well I'm likin the class and wanted to share my latest exercises.

I'm not sure how much I can share about the class, so I won't give any juicy details but these exercises are teaching me some things about myself. I'm also realizing that I believe that if my style is authentically mine, then it won't look like anyone else's style. And that's a lot of pressure to put on myself. Which in turn stifles my creativity. So I'm going to try to have fun, and let all my influences and inspirations show through MY canvas. Don't worry you know I'll keep you posted.

smoochy-smooch.

Grabbing for my dream...an Inspirational Tale

2010-11-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

This blog is as much about inspiration and following your dreams as it is a place where I can show my art and shoot the gip. Well today I have a wonderful story of a woman living in my town. Her name is Mandy Campbell and she is the owner of Extreme Cakes. I just finished reading an article on her in our local paper Her type of baking has become very popular on TLCand The Food Network but her story is such an inspiration that I thought I'd share it here with my homies.

First of all I was shocked to see someone having a store dedicated to 3-D sculptural cakes in this small town I live in. Insert critiques voice...IS THERE REALLY A MARKET "HERE" FOR "THAT"? So I read on and find out that recently she was asked by the Smithsonian (yes the one in D.C) to create a cake to commemorate thee100th Anniversary of the Museum of Natural History.


Here she is with the 5 feet long and 2 feet high replica of the Natural History Museum Building

Well you know what I thought. OUT OF ALL THE CAKE BAKERS IN THE WORLD HOW DID THEY PICKED HER FROM SMALLVILLE USA? So I'm really getting into the article now THEN I find out that this seasoned baker's store has only been open ONE MONTH! And she's already in the paper and making cakes for the Smithsonian. What's up with that?

By now it's just me and the paper. I gave my students their work and I'm lost in this odyssey. (Yes I am at work reading the paper and typing this blog...but it's not what you think. Well maybe, but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.) Anyway, I turn the page, completely enthralled in her meteoric rise and see that TLC has also contacted her and is thinking of featuring her on Amazing Cakes.


She looks like she's about to bark!

popcorn cupcakes. How come I never thought of that? LOL

Ok. Ok. Ok. Now I'm fired up and thinking to myself...I have to meet this wild woman. But here's the clincher folks, the ICING ON THE CAKE so to speak.

She has only been doing sculptural cakes for SIX MONTHS!

As an artist, I sometimes wonder how I can EVER bring this deep passion of expressing myself through colors, shapes and textures to the surface of my life. Well reading this article touched every part of me and piece by piece dismantled all of my reasons WHY NOT. I'm so touched by Mandy's story that I think I might just have to stop by her shop today and meet her in person.

OLD Reasons IT won't work...

1. No one can find me because I live in a small town.
2. There's no market for what I do
3. Or even better, everyone is already doing it.
4. I don't have enough experience or knowledge.
5. It's going to take forever...or longer.

NEW reasons why IT will DEFINITELY work...

1. Any and everyone can find me if I put myself out there to be found. The Internet connects us all.
2. There's absolutely a market for what I do.
3. I really do have something unique to offer.
4. I've been creating all my life this new mixed media is just an extension. And I'm dedicated to learning more and honing my craft. AND

5. My level of accomplishment is directly related to my efforts and my belief in myself....Dam, that was deep.

You know sometimes my dream can seem so far away but in times like this it feels a little closer. And what if it really is closer, much closer than I ever imagined.

The only way I'll know is if I reach out and grab at it. So I'm gonna go grab at my dream today and I might even get to grab a little piece of cake while I'm at it.

Been Gone a While...Catching Up

2010-11-01T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hi U guys. I know it's been too long. All of my electronics decided to die at the same time and it's taken some time to get myself back up and running. While I'm not up to 100% I did get a new laptop (I highly recommend Best Buy open box items. I got a SUPER deal). so I can't complain. I'm realizing that keeping up to date with my gadgets has become more of a necessity than a luxury.

Lots of good things have been going on and I've been staying busy. Work is good and V is thriving @ his new day care. (Insert random cuteness here.)

Sometimes I look @ him and still can't believe he's mine. He's like a human Chocolate Chip!

And yes he is a ladies man. LOL

I did finally get my new(er) car a couple of weeks ago and I'm still over the moon about that. It's an '04 Town and Country van.

This isn't it but it looks just like this. My camera's gone to digital heaven so I had to borrow this pic from C-list.

Now, who in the hell woulda ever thought I'd be in a mom-osine....and like it. Really I love it. Its fully loaded and more than I could've ever asked for. For most of you who know I've been on quite a journey over the last four years...bcoming a single mom, job layoffs and various moves up and down the east coast. And I finally feel like things are coming together for us and it feels SOOOOO GOOD! And I'm learning to let it in and to believe that I deserve to have good things happen to and for me. It's funny how we can ask for something and not believe we can have it. But when I started to believe it could happen...it did. I thank abraham-hicks for helping to get that through my thick skull ;-).

I'm also taking my first online art class. Kelly Rae's class was my first ever online class and this is my 2nd and focuses on finding your own personal style. The class is taught by an extremely talented and generous artist named Wyanne. She's out of FL and I'm very excited about the class


Our first assigment...getting back to basics using good ol' crayons.

Even though the main objective of the course is to help us develop our own style I believe that what I truly need is the support through techniques and support to have the COURAGE to express my own style. I hear HER and Im so excited to have taken the plunge and made the investment in me.

Well I guess that's about it. I do have to make the donuts tomorrow so I better go pack my lunch and find out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. (I'll thank myself in the a.m. when I can get an extra 15 min).

More to come...smooches!

Who Do You Think You Are?

2010-10-08T06:40:00.000-07:00

I know, I know its been too long. I missed you too. My laptop had a virus, and then Vincent kinda sorta dropped it on the floor. Then my camera got wet and died. And I'm adjusting to my new job. Full plate right? But that's no excuse for not checkin' in with my homies.

And eventhough I have new art I haven't replaced my camera so I have no pics and Im bummed b/c I've found that opening up and sharing my art really helps me and even creates a sense of accountability...and you know my lil ADD mind needs that.

So instead of rambling on I'm posting a great article by a wonderful artist/coach that I plan on reading over and over again.I think, at least for me, when I ask myself this question it forces me to look at how my choices are either leading toward or away from my desired goal. A real kick in the tukkus. I really hope you enjoy it. SMOOCHES!

Who Do You Think You Are?

Inspiration @ the SPARKcon Art Festival

2010-09-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

We went to the really inspiring SPARKcon festival in Raleigh last Saturday. The pics speak for themselves. Gorgeous weather and all these talented NCState (the majority) students creating these TEMPORARY and public works of art.It was all done in pastels and by Monday morning (today) it will be replaced by rush hour traffic.

These were all only identified by a number in the bottom right hand corner.

This one brings tears to my eyes everytime I look at it. Its about childhood homelessness. dam.

Oh, yeah these went on for blocks and blocks. And blocks. I was so inspired.

Did you think he was gonna let them have all the fun? They had a kids (and big kids ) area at one intersection.

I was so proud of myself for not whippin' out my wet wipes.LOL

My most beautiful work of art. I must gush for just one moment....I look at this picture and remember when

he was just seven pounds and laying on my chest. We have come a long way and I'm really happy to be building these creative memories with him. My Schmookie.

I'm tired as a...

2010-09-15T16:17:00.000-07:00

...dog.
...hebrew slave.

I started work today and it was cool actually. (yes, im saying getting up way too early to do something mildly interesting and getting paid just above the poverty level can be cool, right? please say yes or I'm gonna eat a pack of raw fudge brownies right now.) It was a welcome break from being at home for the last almost three months. I'm here to tell you there is no job harder than being a full-time at home mom and I have a lil confession to make(shhh)...I miss day care. I mean I really miss it. I love my son and I shouldn't feel bad for saying this BUT I need some time to myself. And not to go hang out or do anything special (but what would be wrong with that?) I just want some time when I'm not cooking, cleaning or trying to squeeze my big ass down kiddee slide (imagine a watermelon trying to make it through a straw).

For those of you who don't know I take care of V by myself. His father has never been in the picture (a whole other blog all together. remember, pot and oral sex do not go together not at all.) Anyway, this job is harder than I could ever imagine. But the good news is now that I'm working my little man will be back with his snotee nosed cohorts. and since I get off at 2:30 and noon on Friday I will get a little meeee time. Yippee!

On to art...I've got some stuff but don't feel like getting off my butt to hook up my camera to show y'all. Plus they're not finished. And I'm getting tired of pattng myself on the back for starting and not finishing a project. I did buyt some alphabet stamps this weekend but now am scared to commit to adding any writing. It's always something. I'm so scared of effin' em up that now they're starting to collect dust. Which is in total oppposition to this idea of selling my art so I don't have to go to that job up there. I can't sell it cus it's not finished. And its not finishd cus I don't wanna mess it up. Sounds like BS to me too. So I've got to make some decisions this week and ad some things to my Etsy shop by next week. The things I have on there now are just sitting and I don't really even reflect my current style. go figure. Well anyway, I'm off to wash the day off and finish off a bottle of vino. smooches!

On Finding My Style and Time for Personal Grooming

2010-09-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

You know I had absolutely no plans today and so I thought it would be easy to et some things done. NOT. So tomorrow is a jam packed day and now I am scrambling tonight to get organized so most of it goes smoothly. And after taking a shower finally (yes its been 2 days) and getting my little gremlin in the bed (not asleep but at least contained in one place) I had to peep my head in to say Hey. That's how much I love y'all. And speaking of love I want to say a special thank you to the talented, inspireing and kind ladies who take out the time to read and comment on my lttle blog. Y'all are the milk to my cookies.

I have been painting ALOT lately. And I think, I hope, oh I hope I am approaching my own personal style. I admit I have some art ADD but I feel like the more I work things out on paper and canvas the closer I feel I'm getting.... So here's what I've been working on. They are drafts and I'm going to ad some text but cant decide to hand write it or cut out printed type. What do yall think. More people are using the cut type and I'm trying not to be so anal about my own handwriting. Did I say anal? I meant nuerotic.

I've had a sketch of her for a few months now and finally got the balls to put paint to and she just opened up so much for me. I love her for that alone. And doesn't she look so full of thought, huh?

The camera doesnt really get all the roughness that I love about the flower and how the blue's not quite opaque. cute.

I wasn't sure what this was gonna be when I started but I was pleasantly surprised. I also loosened the reigns on "matching colors" and just let my intuition guide me. The house is actually this cool melon orangy color. luv it.

She's a little blurry and excuse her zombie stare. I'm still working on her eyes. I think I want her to look down but not sure how to accomplish that...but i love her hair. Back in the day I had a color very similar to this just a lil more magenta, wth. ;-)

Love Changed My Life...New Art

2010-08-30T19:11:00.000-07:00

I've been working really hard to find my own unique voice as an artist. And after my little mental BM post last night I feel "lighter". And this morning while rifling through some magazine pages I found the boost to get my booty moving. I'll post the close to finished or maybe finished pic tomorrow on my FB fan page but I thought I'd share some process shots. I always love how artist show how they get from one place to the next in a mixed media piece so....

It's late I don't feel like adding captions but I really loved all the magazine images. and layering the heart with tissue paper. And the trip part is I started this piece TODAY1 I am usually a slow worker but when I work quickly I don't have a chance to second guess my choices. Well that's it just wanted to share and I always get excited with new art....more tomorrow. PEACE OUT!

Let the Rambling Begin

2010-08-29T18:33:00.000-07:00

1. I don't have any pictures to keep you visually stimulated and probably wont advertise this post on FB. I just wanted to vent.

2. I went to GSO to sub for the week at the community college. and while the good news is they offered me a job. It's p.t. but the hourly pay sorta makes up for it. Sorta. The bad news is they only get paid once a month. Meaning it would be the end of October before I got a check big enough to rent a place. And my credit is so jacked up it still probably won't be enough. For the first time I'm condidering applying for public housing. Oh the shame, who am I kidding. I'll be there first thing Monday morning.

3. My schedule it totally effed up after being away from my paint for a week. I haven't made anything for 2 weeks and am kina scerred to put paint down. I've had too much time to think bout it all.

4. While I loved making my little magnets, I'm now like wondering if they are really any good. How in the hell am I gonna make enough money selling $10 cardboard magnets?

5. I'm so sick of dishes and dirty clothes every frickin day.

6. I quietly beat myself up everyday for not being able to make enough money to take care of my son independently.

7. I'm considering starting a new blog about my life as a single mom and my constant pangs of inadequacy.

8. Why is it everytime I have a good idea and tell someone all the fizz goes out of it? And why can't I keep my big mouth shut?

9. I was about to tell y'all something, I really want to but I'ma try and keep it to myself.

10. Eventhough my life is nothing as I expected it to be, sometimes I think this is all happening for a reason and if I just keep pluggin away and staying focus on my BIG dream it might actually happen.

If God Loved Stilettos...

2010-08-23T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well I got back from Greensboro subbing before my perm class starts and am just getting back in the swing of things. So I just wanted to pop in and say "Hey" and let y'all know what's been up with me.

I just finished posting the most beautiful pair of shoes I have ever owned on Ebay for sale....I feel (a little) like Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. I know that's a little bit dramatic, but dam they are the most goregously stunning pair of metallic, snakeskin, platform sandals..and they are comfortable TOO. And I'm just hoping God will light a burning bush and tell me its all a cruel joke.

"Jennifer, those shoes look sooo good on you, you must keep them for eternity. And oh yeah, go out and get a dress to match....this I command of thee."

Eventhough I got them for Christmas post having Vincent, they still represent the life I'd like to have again at least a little itty bit. But the reality is I spend more time in my Crocs and since I've been out of work for about six weeks now and while the wheels are turning and I'll be going back to work in a couple of weeks I need the money now. On top of that my laptop has caught the equivalent of HIV and I can't even get online so I've highjacked my mom's laptop to get some things done.

I've got some other things cookin in the kitchen but tonight I'm just having a little seperation anxiety, so I thought I'd give a shout out and see if I could get a materialistic, shop-a-holic, used to be hot mama, shoulder to cry on. If not it's ok too. I've got a cocktail and hot shower waiting and that should do the trick too. And for those of you wondering what my babies look like here's a stock photo to drool over....

For once 6" is really a lot.

On my second glass of wine and...

2010-08-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinkin' about this process Im in of finding my authentic voice as an artist. Then it dawned on me, with the help of my friend Merlot, I don't need to find her. SHE is not lost. I need to find more ways to allow her to come out of the basement closet (I thought she'd be safe there). So I, along with my

trusty apprentice (yes I have kidnapped the entire table. thanks mom) have been making a mess and making some major head way...

washing dishes and...

eating molasses soaked wheat toast and blueberries while we watch Toy Story for the 33rd time. And I've even found some time to paint (ill have pics in a couple of days).

And it has been a real blast. You see I'm a master of imagining the worst possible scenario and then filling my mind and body with enough anxiety to make people refer to me as a royal B.

I don't know how they could think such a thing about yours truly (hee-hee) but I can honestly say I'm a little nicer since I've let "her" out to play.

BTW, a community college called me today while me and my sidekick were out playing on swings. She wants me to start work on Monday. Part-time but its sure better than no-time. I guess there are a few side benefits to deciding to chill the eff out.

Have a great weekend!

New Magnet Art

2010-08-09T19:27:00.000-07:00

Hey sweet peas! I got my lil schmookie down and managed to upload pics of some new art I'm working on and thought I should take advantage of this rare time with my laptop.

I started working on these a few weeks ago out of sheer necessity. They are quick (I'm result not process oriented) and cheap. And since I'm on a budget I canuse what I've already got (paint, cardboard box, a dull pair of scissors - yay!). I also needed some reminders that could slap me back into the reality and kick my inner critique to the curb. All I had to buy were the magnets to cut and adhere to the back side. So with out further delay (since I'm about to start stalling)...

whoever they are....

sometimes I wonder...

good question. sometimes I know the answer...

They're all roughly about the size of my BlackBerry. No two are the exact same size though. I like the imperfectness of them. I really need visual reminders and lately the sweet fuzzy affirmations haven't been working for me. If you don't know by now I shoot from the hip and these little sassy fridge magnets are doin' it for me right now.

Since the pics are uploaded I should be posting them on my Etsy page tomorrow (I'm going to veg out on HGTV when I finish this post). And speaking of Etsy, I'm thinking of starting a new shop specifically for these little bugars ( I have more and lots of ideas for more - some for mature eyes only...oooooh). From a business standpoint, I don't want to mix apples and...walnuts. But we'll see. It would mean coming up with a new shop name and the whole marketing shabbadoowhop and I don't have the time for my current shabbadoos.

Anyway I just wanted to put them out there with my test group. Not too much else brewing besides still looking for a job....which is a whole other bag of wollybodydingdong (sorry, I had to get that out). But I'll keep y'all posted. Smooches and night-night!!

A Little Inspiration...

2010-08-05T07:47:00.000-07:00

My best friend form high school posted the poem below on her FB page today. Her oldest daughter is 19 and my one and only God-child. They are going through some real deep valleys right now....things that make my little temporary, ego trippin' problems seem so small. What a reminder for me to practice much more grattitude for what I do have. I am just amazed and still teary eyed that her daughter was able bring a very bright light into an otherwise dark time. I am more spiritual than religious but I still believe in miracles and they need a couple. btw, please keep them in your prayers. love y'all!

Last Week we threw out worrying, it was getting old and in the way.
It kept us from being us; We couldn't do things God's way.
We threw out a book on OUR PAST (Didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.
We threw out hate and bad memories, (Remember how we treasured them so)?
Got us a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.
Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, and I MUST.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought. WOW, you should've seen the dust.
We ran across an OLD FRIEND, we hadn't talked to in a while.
His name is GOD the Father, and we really love His style.
He has helped us to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.
Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE, Yes... We placed them right on the shelf.
I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.
I FOUND IT- it's called PEACE. Nothing gets us down anymore.
Yes, Me and My Mom got our house looking nice. Looks good around the place.
For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.
It's good to do a little house cleaning, get rid of the things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.

Pitter, Patter Go the Steps of Success

2010-08-02T07:03:00.001-07:00

Hi u guys! I'm mobile blogging for the first time today so yay for me. I recently enlisted the help of my Google calendar to whip me into shape and it so kindly sent me a reminder to my phone. So here I am takin' a pause from my errands to check in with my crew.

I don't have anything juicy or super inspiring today but that's okay too. Sometimes this road is not scenic or awe filled. Sometimes the journey to your dreams means doing wutchu gotta do. And the trip part is when I get my mundane tasks (don't get me wrong, talkin 2 y'all is far from mundane but I can sometimes doubt it's healin powers, thus bringin out my lazy bones)completed I'm inspired 2 take other steps.

So here I am stepping. Stepping closer 2 b-living in my talents and stepping closer 2 building my life my way...one step at a time. ok, gotta go. I luv all y'all! CU later gators!

Learning to Be Kinder to Myself

2010-07-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

Compassion is absolutely necessary as we allow beliefs that have manifested as separation 2 actually begin 2 heal & dissolve~Anakha Coman

Such a great quote via my fb friend and spiritual intuitive andrea beaudoin. its very appropriate today as i realize my journey as an artist is also one of excavating my authentic self. Its so easy to beat myself up for not being or doing all i can be or do. But as I become clearer as an artist, I become more accepting and supportive of who i am as a person (daughter, mom, friend, co-worker) and allowing me to be me fully with out apologies.

So let's take it easy on ourselves today. We sure as hell deserve it. SMOOCHES!!

Elizabeth Gilbert: A new way to think about creativity

2010-07-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

New Logo & Confidence Coming to a Blog Near You

2010-07-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

Since the Flying Lessons course I've been working to up the anty on my art business. We (I mean "I") often can come up with more reasons why we can't do something rather than looking for creative solutions that fit our budget, skill and sensibility. Well I've been moping around because I didnt have a professional logo. And since I didn't have a logo and because I didn't have a logo I couldn't get business cards and other marketing materials for M2BM. And since I didn't have those things I wasn't a real business and nobody would buy from such an amateur and blah, blah, blah....I know cry me a river right.

Well something finally clicked in this hard skull of mine and I decided to...do it myself! What a novel idea. Who would have ever thought I could make my own log?. But then again, who better to design the most accurate representation of me and my creations?

So I've been really excited this week as I've been building this little baby and even though its in it's early stages I'm liking where it's going. Unfortunately, I sometimes get caught up in wondering if others will like my art instead of making what my own heart mandates. But this logo is all about me saying who I am. Not just with the name of my business but creatively. And it feels very true if you know what I mean. And that makes me feel all warm inside like I'm already successful. And that always feels good. So the lesson today for Jenny is...do what feels good and it will be good enough.

Talk soon and big love!

A Different Kind of Art

2010-07-20T18:35:00.000-07:00

(instead of cutting slices I just cut out the middle man and got a spoon ;-))

It may not be the prettiest thing. But it surely is the best tasting...I should say WAS...as it is no more. The Bible says an idle mind is the devil's playground. And while its not totally true here, but since I've been on my little hiatus my taste buds have been trying to get me into some real trouble.

So last night I bit the bullet and made this peach cobbler/pie. Then I proceeded to eat it for dinner and late night snack, and then a bite before breakfast...you know where this is going don't you? Needless to say it didn't last long. And I thought I would feel bad for being so greedy but I DIDN'T. It was the bestest! And it wasn't hard to throw it together either. Here's my little recipe below in case you wanna dive in and experience the sweet, tangy, juicy succulence of peaches, sugar and butter nestled inside a warm and flaky crust.

2 pie shells
2 lbs frozen peaches (much better than canned)
1 stick of butter
1 cup of brown sugar
Cook for 45min to one hour on 350 degrees.
Cool and enjoy!

Yep, that's it. It so simple and yet soooo delicious. Should you try it let me know how it turns out. Well that's about it. I just wanted to check in with my peeps and share a lil' somethin' somethin'. I'm now gonna go take advantage of a little pre-bed time "me-time". Until the next time...SMOOCHES!

New Mini -Art and a Thrift Store Bargain

2010-07-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

Well I finally broke down and turned my mom's kitchen table into my studio. Well half of it any way. The other half is for V's meals and play-do time. And boy what a relief. Since I'm full time stay at home with Vincent now there isn't much time to paint but I just wanted to be close to my things and get messy and boy has it made a difference in my little mood!

These are some little 2x3-ish pieces of cardboard that I cut up. I just love them little scraps turned treasures. and it felt good to start and finish somethings...doesn't always happen like that if you know what I mean with life and all. These were also fun because I wasn't thinking so dam much. Because I saw them as scraps it was easier to hold my harsh personal judgment at bay and that's always a good thing. And since I knew all my art stuff can become like gremlins in water so I really wanted to control the chaos so I set out my intentions to find some hand art storage and guess what, I did! I found the BESTEST almost 4' high storage on wheels from The Salvation Army for only $6! I love it when a plan comes together. :-)

Okay, gotta go somebody just woke up and wants "JUICE!". Talk soon BYE - SMOOCHES!

Houston, We Have Landed!

2010-07-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

I'll start with y son's newest favorite thing to say to any and everyone who crosses his little path...

hey you guys!

I have really missed this little blogita and all of you and you and you too. And speaking of my little cubby hole, my hasn't she grown over the last week. Yay! I want to send the biggest teary eyed THANK YOU out to all of you who have commented lately and left your warm wishes and words of encouragement. I don't know about any of you but I've never felt like I was a part of something...but I do now and it is all its chalked up to be...as long as you don't ask me to drink some purple punch. :-) But truly I don't know how to put it with out sounding like a goof ball but I really feel each of you and I'm sending so much love to all of you. XOXOXOXO

Now to the business...tomorrow will be a week since we came back to NC. My mama has taken up "shackin'" with her new "boy" friend. (yes they are over 60 and acting like teenagers!) So V and I have the house to ourselves. Which is nice after living with family for the last year. We haven't been up to too much aside from visiting old friends and making sure Vincent's schedule stays consistent as possible. So we've been hitting up playgrounds and groups, ferris wheels and today we went to the pool and he had a BALLLL! I also found some art galleries so we'll tour those next week. And since I havent blessed my mama's house with the mess that is my studio (yet), I've been taking lots of pics of my little town...and since I've been carrying you all with me I thought I'd share some.

One of my BFF's boys & Vinny clowning around -i love that they're growing up together

and their super duper cute and cuddly sister Isabella (with her rib bone)

oh, the bliss of wallowing in sand when there's a perfectly good playground only 2ft away

its tobacco season in the country

the itsy-bitsy post office i used to go to with my dad when i was V's age

and there we are in the white house. and yes that's even more tobacco

had to include this one...he is intently waiting for the LG to blow the whistle so he can get back in the water.

I hope I'm not beating a dead horse but...I'm so grateful to this blog and you all. It has allowed me to stay connected when many strings are dangling every-which-a-way. Thank you again and I'll be back with more soon. SMOOCHES!!

Following My Yellow Brick Road

2010-07-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

(a piece i made when i was on the dawn of another trip and still very apprpriate.)

Vincent, our belongings and I will be hitting the road early Saturday and by 11am we should be in our new home (temporarily w/ my mom). If you don't mind, whisper a little prayer for us that we have a safe and happy trip. I can't quite put into words how I feel about this move. There aren't any right now. I'm planting my little mustard seed and believing it will turn into a beautiful garden. xoxo

Learning to Go with Your Gut

2010-06-30T09:37:00.000-07:00

Whew! What a week and it's only Wednesday. I'm not saying it in a bad way. It's just that today's my last day at my temp job and V and I move back to NC on Saturday. Yes its vastly different from DC but if I'm going to pursue my art and raise V the way I see fit I need to be in a smaller, slower, friendlier place.

Who am I kidding? I'm nervous as hell about this move. Wouldn't it be great to just see the future a teeny wheeny bit so I could know for sure, w/o a shadow of doubt that I was doing the right thing. This isnt just about moving to a new town. I'm committing to putting my dream first. That means taking a possibly less paying (and less stressful) job in a town with a much smaller commute so I can spend more time with Vincent and have more time to make art. Sounds like a good idea right?

You know what its really about even more than moving and art and mom-dom. Its about me biting the bullet, peeing or getting off the pot, taking the bull by the horns, and just doing IT. By It I mean making a commitment and decision to be loyal to my own heart's calling. And for the love of cheese and crackers to STOP worring about what They think about how I live my life, my choices and even what kind of art I make.

So in honor of Them I made a journal entry that sums up how I feel about it. And I love how different it is from the piece above that I made the same day. (I'm learning to love both sides of my coin) This felt so good to make. It was like me having a right to say just what I feel and not giving a you know what what anybody thinks. Speaking of which, I think is a major hinderance in my art and me coming into my authentic artist voice. So get ready b/c y'all might be seeing more of these from time to time. Sometimes you gotta plunge the toilet to get it to flush (ok that was even gross for me...)

Okay gotta get back to work. Thanks for listening SMOOCHES!

(And what do they know?)

What do YOU want?

2010-06-25T20:41:00.000-07:00

A billboard @ the metro stop where I work. The small print even had a message it reads "Create your own legacy." While on my way to work this morning I was chewing over my current life and some things I've been going through. And by chewing I mean like a cow. Chew it, swallow it, throw it back up and chew it some more. So when I came up from the platform and saw this billboard (how many times did I walk by it?) I had to take a pic because it reminded me of what Abraham Hicks talks about. Keep your focus on what you want. The current circumstance is only a result of past thinking. So if I want a new future my thinking has to change now. I love it. Have a great weekend y'all!

Toot, Toot! Honk, Honk!! Beep, Beep!! (an aha! moment)

2010-06-23T09:59:00.000-07:00

(Pic by Kim Carney/MSNBC)

Over the last few weeks I've been practicing my flying with a very special e-course. And I have to admit I have maid some strides in setting up many of the systems she's been talking about. I set up my blog (of course), newsletter & FB fan page. So now I'm on to my Etsy page and BAM all four of my tires went flat.

I've been staring at my screen for the last hour trying to right a description for one of my mixed media pieces. I am paralyzed by thoughts of "is this right, original, finished, inspirational, good ENOUGH? It's really got me pacin'. Plus, I feel this pressure that if I don't put the perfect script no one will buy them and theyll be lost in Etsy land forever.

I just thought I'd share today because I'll tell you following your dreams can be a dirty job. You know I'm a champ at championing others. I can see the best in an ax murderer or a paper with just two crayon marks running down the middle of it. But ask me to say something glowing about myself and I draw a complete blank. Part of it I think is being a raised as a good, southern Pentacostal girl. "Never brag on yourself...it so vain." The other part is I wasn't applauded much as a child. More attention was paid to what was wrong than right.

But you know what? I think this is as good a time as any for me to start stepping out of old thinking and believing. It might start out sounding kinda sqweeky, but with some practice I'll be blowing a trombone in no time. I owe it to myself really to tell the truth. Since that's what it is.

These pieces were created with heart, to inspire me and anyone who put their eyes on them. The colors and textures are meant to accent your home or office. And they make great gifts as well. They are reminders, and Lord knows we need them, that we are good, special and loved.

Enjoy.

Oh snap, did you just hear that? I think I heard a little toot-toot and it sounded kinda good! OK my pretties I gotta hurry back over to my Etsy page while I've got some air in my tires!

p.s. - thanks for listening. I couldn't have done it with out you. Smooches!

Business Building Monday

2010-06-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

I like the sound of the title of this post. Kinda sounds like I'll do it every Monday. Sounds like a great idea...hmmm. We'll see. I'm just so inspired by the Flying Lessons e-course I'm taking right now. Just when the ebb of my confidence and gumption was peaking and doubt and second guessing myself started to sink in here comes my collaging-mommy 2B-super hero-teacher-cheer leader Kelly Rae with week 4 of her class on building a successful and balanced art business. The part that really stuck out to me today (surprisingly) was the piece on the importance of a newsletter and how it has helped her business. Well first of all I didn't think I had anything to talk about worth bugging folks every month about. But after hearing her side of the story i think about it a little differently and now...I'm pumped up to get started on a newsletter. And hopefully you'll check it out and find it valuable.

So to stay on track since I do have the propensity to start something and not finish it (did i say that??) I thought I'd put a little outline of what you can expect from the M2BM - M2BU newsletter.

1. Inspirational word/thought - this is a great way to share some of my favorite lessons and teachers with you guys.

2. Works in progress - I love seeing the creative process of artists I follow and think it gives a nice inside scoop on what is going through an artist mind.

3. A personal tidbit - on my working, mommy, daughter, friend, explorer life. You're sure to find pics of my super cutest son Vincent who I just can't get enough of...here's a peak at one of his latest pics...

can't you tell he's been taking pics his whoooole life!

4. Artist spotlight - here I'll share (or hopefully interview ) an artist (painter, writer, singer, etc.) that I enjoy or feel inspired by. Who knows, you might see you here one day!

5. Sales &Promotions - Pretty self explanatory.... more info of how you can take a little piece of me home.

6. What to look for next month - Teasers of the juicy-ness to come.

Well, I hope this has wet your whistle. It has mine and I guess it has also put the heat on me to get to the gettin' on delivering the goods right? And since I seem to work better under pressure, I'm thinking I'll have a newsletter out by...ok I'll just put it out there - July 1 (did I just say that too?). Well I guess I better get to work. OK, gotta go - Bye!

Checkin in w/ My Crew!

2010-06-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

Hi all! My boss is on vacay all week (yeah!!!) So I thought I'd drop by and do a lil chit-chat. We're cool like that right? Great.

Random #1

Well, this is a journal page i started last night after V went to sleep. I've been very resistent about starting an art journal. but I've learned that it is just fear so I decided to throw some paint and will work on it some more tonight. Isn't it funny how fear can convince you that you don't really like something, when in fact its exactly what your heart is calling for? Well anyway, this is in its early stages and I'm trying not to to think about the end project and focus on the process...pray for your girl on that one.

Random #2

Here's my favorite lunch time spot...I can get out of my office and 4get about all the madness. And check out this great banner hanging across the street from my job.

I turned the chair around so I could face the garden.

It's at this random intersection. Love it!

Random #3

Uhm, well what else is going on around these parts??? Oh yeah, my job will be over here at the end of the month. I've been temping since I moved here almost a year ago. My hope was that I'd get a permanent federal position and V and I would settle here for a while. But it's funny how things work out. Just as the job thing hasn't worked out the way I thought I also realized I'm really not a city girl after all. I like the activities and a lil hustle and bustle but I am a country girl at heart. So, at the beginning of the month we'll be moving back to NC. I'm excited but there is still much on my mind. While I am finally beginning to honor my inner guidance I sometimes second guess my intuition because everyone around me is doing the opposite and they seem to have it going on and I'm facing some pretty public challenges. But you know what it's not gonna stop me. So I just wanted to share a bit of my innerds with you. i know you don't mind. ;-)

I'll end with a pic of my inspiration for it all - my shmookie-shmoo! 'Til next time...

I just look at him and that smile & know exactly what I need to do.

Mama's Got a New Pep in Her Step

2010-06-15T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Fall in Love with Your Life"

Hey gang! Well, I started (all be it 2 weeks late) the much...and i do mean much...anticipated Kelly Rae Robert's Flying Lessons e-course. And let me tell you it has set a well needed fire under my hind parts. She is a wealth of information and inspiration and to be in the presence of other artists who are on the same path as I am is so worthwhile. BUT I must say the single MOST BESTEST thing Kelly could have ever done for me at least was to post a video that in two and a half minutes gave me the validation I needed to do something else Kelly talks about...commit.

I have always been the big dreamer and risk taker in my circle of friends and family. Whether a cliff or a curb I was usually there for the jumping. But since having my son almost 3 years ago there has been this ongoing inner and outer struggle between being a "good/responsible" mom and super big dreaming artist.

"Your're a mom now no time for dreams of your own." and "How selfish of you to even consider it - grow up." were constant sentiments ringing in my head. While my inner child cried out to be recognized, acknowledged and nurtued in my daily life. Neeless to say this struggle was beginning to lead me into a very lonely and closeted creative life.

But baby, Mama's gotta a new song (see below) to sing now. I can do both. I must do both and even better yet there are many more ass-kickin', car pooling, dish washing, creative Goddess moms out there with the same issues as lil ol' me. And even though I don't know them I feel their strength and I wanna give a little back to them as well.

That brings me to another part Flying Lessons talks about...community and how vital it is for the artist to thrive. I'M NOT ALONE! And I'm not a bad mom because I want to send my son away for a few days so I can go half way across the country to meet, greet and get messy with art. I now know this is God's work in me. And its my responsibilty to show my son the courage it takes and joy it brings to live life on my own terms. So I want to send a big shout out to my mentor and mommy 2B Kelly Rae...Thank you for giving me back to myself. SMOOCHES!!

Ooh gotta love Miss D in all her white (even though the coat is just a tad frightening?!)

Mixed Media and Mommy-ing

2010-06-12T15:41:00.000-07:00

I'm just getting home from being out all day. I put an ad on Craigslist for a graphic designer to help me with some of my art and possibly give me some lessons. Well I got a lot of hits but one guy stood out & I met him at Panera Bread today. So guess what....this sweetheart of a guy installed the newest Photoshop on MY computer! I am so thrilled. He also showed me some good things and we are gonna meet once a week till I move back to NC. I was so full of ideas by the time we finished.

Well, while I was having a grand old time Vincent was missing his nap. He did pretty good for a 2yr old strapped in a stroller for an hour and a half.(insert mom guilt here).So now here it is 6 oclock in the evening and guess what...HE'S TAKING A FLIPPIN' NAP! Can you believe it??? Pay back really is a bright faced two year old. Its gonna be a looong night. But he's sooo cute!

Always one to turn lemons into a great lemon cocktail, I decided to take advantage of the rare me time to scan some drafts in to my computer. I don't have as much to say about them besides sloking at them too long makes me a little uncomfortable. But I'm working on that.

The Ever Present Silver Lining

2010-06-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

I posted this picture today because it describes exactly where I am. The last three years have tested me in everyway imaginable. I became a single mom to a wonderful son and found myself in too many new and challenging experiences to go into in this post. So I just wanted to acknowledge the journey, full of all its pot holes, detour signs as well as the views and wonderful folks I've met along the way.

I know it is far from over as my little one is only coming up on his 3rd birthday but for the first time in longer than I can remember I can see some light piercing through those clouds. And for the first time in just as long I can say I am proud of myself. I have given this new role as provider, nurse, disciplinarian, cook, advocate, protector, Mother everything I've got. And I have surprised even myself b/c I didnt know what this job would require and once I did I didnt know if I had what it took to pull it off.

But today I'm more sure than ever that I have what it takes to care and provide for both of us and even manage to carve out a little time for nurturing my creative spirit. And surprisingly, I have found that when I do that I am actually a better mother. More patient, less uptight, prone to let the little things slide. Even more than that I hope it serves as an example for him to always find time to feed his spirit in whatever way serves him best.

We are now only a few weeks away from making yet another move. We will be staying with my mom for a while in rural NC. The once beloved fast paced of a major metropolitanc city has turned into a rat race and left me a little worse for wear. I look forward to a place where strangers look you in the eye and speak and I'm only a few steps away from fresh cut grass under my bare feet. The sun is indeed starting to shine again and I feel it's warmth beginning to envelope me.

School Pics

2010-06-09T03:47:00.000-07:00

On my way to work by had to post a quick pic of the cutest 2 year old I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on. (Insert ooohs and ahhhhs here!)

Greeting Card Art

2010-06-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

Uhm, okay, i kinda got something i wanna show you. i'm so inspired by artists who have the balls to post their works in progress and you know i want to start putting on my big girl pants and opening myself up the way so many of you have. so here are some works in progress (be gentle) i did this past week. I have for as long as i could remember wanted a line of greeting cards that were quirky, sassy, inspiring and most of all beautiful. i have 2 card ideas series so far and examples of the some of the copy is below...

"Imagine" series which is very sweet
outside card - "Imagine you are completely loved, supported and accepted."
inside card - "because you are."

"The Hard Truth" & it's a little tongue and cheek
outside card - "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
inside card - "you are absolutely fabulous."

the more i look at them, the more i like them. which means my lil goblin has settled down since he realized I was gonna do this with or with out him. so now ill move on to trying out some text and fonts on my computer. and hopefully by the sometime in July ill have some sets of 4 (one left to scan in) to put on my etsy shop...which needs some serious life breathed into it. but thats another story.

More Thoughts on the Tribal Trend

2010-06-01T12:59:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about my previous post and got to thinking about a few things...

I know I must not have enough work @ work today but oh well. I just think the "trend" of tribal prints is very thought provoking. First, these gorgeous patterns are not new by any means. They've been around longer than most of us. So somwhere along the way these patterns catch the eye of the Oscar de la Rentas of the world and are picked up by haute couture designers and become all the rave. Next, a year or tow goes by and more affordable brands pick up on yet-to-be trend and make it accessible to the masses at affordable prices.

And the thing is the Political Scientist in me is a little up in arms about the cheapening of a culture (that we know so little about). I know thats sounds a little Angela Davis but you know what I mean (i hope). The big wigs make, call it cute and the next thing you know Martha Stewart is donning a tribal print headband in a Kmart commercial. But the thing is, as an artist and lover of fashion I feel they finally tapped into something worth putting on any and every item imaginable for as little as $5.99. These colors are so vibrant, patterns so unexpected...and to be able to have them at your fingertips is a real blessing. Finally visual stimulation as the norm. And as an artist I am always in awe at how artist are inspired. And what is more inspiring than these mostly hand made and hand dyed elaborate garbs made by people who by comparison to most, live a decidedly more simple life. And I must admit (secretly) I would stand in line all day for a lime green and magenta tribal print plates and bowls set. As a matter of fact I think I'll go look for one now! Gotta love the duplicitous nature of us all.

african fashion week

photos by Justine Kurland - STUNNING!

diane von furstenberg runway

authentic east african dress

oscar de la renta

Color and Pattern Inspiration

2010-06-01T07:19:00.000-07:00

What a great looong weekend! And boy did I need it. It was a real treat to have 4 days off and just piddle around...loved it! While I was out I made a stop by one of my favorite spots Tar-jay and of course saw some things I really loved but was so struck by some of the fabulous tribal patterns and color combinations. I was like WOW and so inspired I had to snap a few shots to share. I really love when everyday items can express personality and creativity. And what can be more everyday than a cute sundress @ Target. Accessable art I call it.

Please excuse any fuzzy or crookedness...I was trying to snap the shots and run behind my 2-year old who has discovered the endless fun of hiding in the clothes racks. I guess that's what I get for not getting a shopping cart/containment unit - LOL.

A cute maxi dress with these pops of tangerine and fuschia on a brown background no less!

Love this one too! all of my favorite colors.

The geometry and shapes are so beautiful

These swirls and orange and turquoise remind me of Miami!

My co-worker came in wearing this so I had to snap a pic and add to the Love list. LOL

'Week 21 - Affirm Your Life: Get into the driver's seat'

2010-05-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

'Week 21 - Affirm Your Life: Get into the driver's seat'

What a Girl Can Do w/ Feathers & a Glue Gun

2010-05-25T13:24:00.000-07:00

It's me again...I'm still so excited to be here (squeal)! Okay I got that out. One of the main purposes of this blog is to connect to a supportive and encourageing creative community and even more personally for me - to learn how open up and share the sides of me I guard most close. With that being said, here are some pics of a birdcage veil I made for my dear friends wedding. AND it was my first one ever! I have to admit I felt like a proud parent watching it (and her) walk down the aisle. What is so funny is she was certain I could do it and I was absolutely terrified. Of course I procastinated for months searching for just the right feathers and scouring the net for tutorials. When I finally decided to bite the bullet I was shocked at how quickly it all came together.

I am like many artist, extremely critical of myself and work. But once she came by to try it on I have to admit I saw a glimpse of my own talent. It was weird letting myself having that moment. And its even weirder (is that a word??) sharing it here, but here it is...

Whew! Getting the hang of it

2010-05-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

I really love how his orange shirt goes with the slide. Its a great scheme for a scrapbook page. hmmmm... (as she stroked her chin slyly)

Im baaaack! I really love the access at work. I brought my camera to work and downloaded my pics so I can have full access. Yeah! I'll tell you a secret I learned a long time ago. If you're a creative and you have to work a 9 to 5 make the most of it. A PC, color printer, scanner, internet access and long distance can really be your best friend and enable you to kill a few birds with one stone. But shhh you didn' hear it from me.

Well I just wanted to share some pics I've taken over the last few weeks. Photography is another creative passion of mine, and my main subject my little schmookie. I would post some art I just finished but its on my laptop @ home. Dang it to all! Not to worry, I'll put those up tonight. Until then...

My First Blog Entry

2010-05-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! I mean its only me but I doing a little creative visualization. LOL. I just set up this blog, not my firtst...I was on another but was unable to access it at work, where I have the most. if any time at all to blog. But this is fabulous and am very optomistic that I will be able to keep this blog current.

Well let me introduce myself. My name is Jennifer and I'm a single mom of the cutest two year old little boy I have ever seen. I currently live in the DC area but am a southern girl at heart and will be back there before the summer is up (Yes!). This blog is an eclectic mix of my life as mommy, friend, daughter and as far as this blog goes most importantly emerging artist. I have fallen in complete love with the mixed media collage and all its quircky unruly-ness.

I have been creative for as long as I can remember from clothes, writing, spoken word, photography...the list goes on. Whats different this time? I'm coming out of the perverbial "creative closet" and pursuing a livelyhood in the arts. Wheh I felt my chest cave a little when I wrote that. This is a huge transition for me and has many implications on so many levels, many if not all I will get into as we get to know each other.

Well I'm not gonna chew your ear off. I'll leave you with a few pics of my life. I'm so excited we met and am super jazzed about this next phase of the journey.