Oh yeah, i left this out...

since i posted yesterday i couldnt shake the feeling that there were some things i left out. honestly, after writing and re-writing i realized i had stopped editing my words and started editing my voice. i didnt want my mouth to write a check my ass couldnt cash. so i punked out jus a lil bit. and wasnt that the point of what not to do in the first place? so fuck it. so here's what i didn't say in part 1.

1. i understand this blog is not going to be everyone. no blog is. you may think it boring, scatter brained, foul mouthed, just plain too much information or all of the above. if you are one of those people i have to tell you...and i mean this in the best possible way...peace out. i wont miss you and im kinda looking forward to turning some people off.

2. if you think you might want to hang out here with all your dreams and fucked up-ness this is what you are liable to find.

• im a growth and development junkie and i love squawking about my aha moments
  
• im also a glam-hog. if it's shiny and expensive i probably like it. so pics on top of pics of high priced stylish interiors and fashions...that i plan to one day own will surely show up here
  
• you'll get a really-do look at my life as a single mom raising the cutest, smartest and loudest most demanding 3 year old on the planet.
• my creative mumbo jumbo...i'll post new and old, paintings, furniture, poems, essays....im cringing
• id also like to feature creative people i find inspiring...such a looooong list
  
• uhm, uhm i cant thing of anything else. but to cover my bases...anything goes
  

i really want to get up to posting multiple times a week and have these catchy titles for weekly topics.  but we'll see how that goes.


i think that's enough for now if i think of anything else...you know ill let you know.


hugs & holla back

The Reclamation of ME

i love hip-hop music. and if you pull up next to me at a red light you are liable to see me in my mom van bobbin my head to lil wayne and daydreaming about me, him and my 2-piece on south beach. (yes, i know he’s only a little taller than my son and has stones for teeth…just let me have this one). On the other hand you can also catch me in deep reflection while listening to the wise words of wayne dyer. and yes we’re in maui and ive traded the 2-piece for a citrus colored sarong. what can i say…im in love with two waynes.

 

if you are still reading this, maybe you are getting the point of this post. maybe not. but if you're still reading that's good enough for me.

since i picked back up the paint brush and the pen almost a year ago, i have found myself struggling to find my own authentic voice. i hear it in my head and even see it in my mind’s eye but when i go to create it, it becomes illusive like smoke and at same time stiff, like hard cement.

don’t get me wrong. i know why this is. over the years i have brainwashed myself into believing that because my delivery of the message was different from what I see in the main stream that there is no place for me. and that basically I had to become creatively anorexic so no one will be offended or God forbid, un-friend me on facebook or stop following my blog. 

through a powerful coaching process im enrolled in i now realize this is so much bigger than some paint flung on a canvas. this is about all the ways i have choked the life out of my dreams and watered down my passions because i couldn’t understand how all my opposites could survive, let alone thrive in this one body. many times  I have set the fire of my desire only to go back and create a perimeter of water around it so it didn’t get out of control.

because what would happen if my dreams and passions burned like wildfire? lord help us if they took over and I became a slave to my soul’s deepest longings.

this blog has become such a wonderful mirror for my spirit. i see how i've been on the side lines of my own life and wondering why no one will throw me the ball. as far as here i have let some personal things about me out of the bag. but i have also struggled with how much to share, how to share it and if anyone would really give a damn.

M2BM started out an artistic outlet. but it has reignited my love of writing and reminded me that i am a natural communicator and storyteller. it has also reminded me of the lighter, more playful side of my life that i thought i had to trade in for the responsible single-mom card. i want to inspire and connect with people. i just have to do it my way. and @ 36 years old I realize im not gonna change. and why should i?

i'm now ready to get on with accepting my smart, sexy, ambitious, sensitive, creative, spiritual self. and that also includes accepting my potty mouthed, know-it-all, insecure, nerdy, stuck-up, shallow self as well. and i got a inklin' that this is exactly how im gonna find my REAL place in this world. and that alone makes all the bull shit ive put myself through sooo worth it. 

so this blog and i may go through a few tweeks until we find our groove. but our groove we will find. i am sure of that. and until next time, thanks for lettin me bend your ear.

XOXO 

Introducing....My Dreams

y'all know i was hesitant to put a picture of my vision board up. if you've ever wanted more than what you currently have you know why. these dreams are like my babies. except they're not babies anymore. ive nursed, nurtured and cuddled as much as any over bearing...hyper-critical...super opinionated...yet well meaning mother can. 

it's their turn to take center stage. to stretch their legs and wings...to run and to fly. they don't belong to me anymore. they are apart of the gifts i was given so i can gift them back. the board and lists below are not conclusive. i am sure i am still holding on to the youngest most tender ones. but their time will come too...and soon. but for now let me introduce you to my Dreams.

i have ALWAYS wanted to travel the world

these rooms are me to a t...and remind me of why i love interior design...sooo much

the cutest room for the cutest little boy...this is by far the most important picture on my board!

this is a pic of an artis studio....that id give my pinky toe for.

a quote by Tory Burch that is so me.

love the quote and that beautiful Michele watch.

"O" took spirituality mainstream but Debbie, Byron and Iyanla are some of the major pioneers.

i love the way he's kissing her forehead....

in the short term i intend to...

get back into interior design

go on an artistic and/or spiritual retreat

guest blog on a popular creative/ growth and development website

have 500 blog followers

move V and me to Charlotte and in our on space

have my art sold in two retail spots

create and maintain a healthy eating and exercise routine

appear as Fly Girl of the Week

perform on stage

be a part of local art exhibit

become certified in an energy/healing/coaching modality

attend a creative writing workshop

take a vacation in a tropical local

now that i'm warmed up here are some of my even bigger...scared to whisper dreams

be a contributing writer and artist for a national magazine

become 100% self-employed as an artist/writer/speaker

create a one-woman stage show

try my hand at stand-up comedy

meet the man of my dreams and build a new family

work with one or more of the leading spiritual leaders (anyone from Hay House!)

create a successful line of home decor and accessories

spend at least 3-4 months out of the year living abroad

have a stylish luxury wardrobe

with love,

M2BM

A Word for 2011

I usually pick a word that defines how I want to go into the new year. I don't think too much about it, it just has a natural reoccurance in my life. Well this year everybody's picking a word. Maybe they always did I was just so disconnected from any like minded community, i didn't know about it. But being a rebel and a little bit of a prick from time to time I decided NO WORD FOR ME! I'm going against the grain...even if it's just for grain's sake (i know, i know).

But what I didn't realize was the word had already chosen me.

Then when I did realize it I said to myself, "Self, how can that word possibly last all year long? Once you got it, you got it right?" And then i thought, I don't want to beat a dead horse. And does this word bring up too many bad memories that I have to sift through?

Well, I soon uhm how do you say, humbled myself to the truth. The truth that this word never gets old and is so underused and misunderstood that I could find a million ways to use it, to share it, to meditate on it. So much so that it could become my word for life. I know this because when I think of it my heart swells and the tears well up in my eyes. My mind goes to all the names & faces that I owe this word to. Some I am asking for it and others I'm giving it to.

The word is FORGIVENESS. 

I can barely type it with out becoming a blubbering mess. I mean in my intellectual mind I know life is short and there are too many things to do other than hold on to any grudge or ill memory. But my ego with it's marathon memory and Olympic strength has the will and power to hold on to some really old shit. And with that same will and power it is able to justify all its own wrongs.


And what I have realized is that FORGIVENESS leads to all sorts of beautiful words  that through it's healing power I can more fully embrace. Words like...

APPRECIATION...FUN....LIGHT HEARTEDNESS... LAUGHTER......CREATIVITY...INTIMACY...CONNECTION... 

PEACE.

 So with that being said, I embark on a new soul's journey. One that has already began to crack that now useless hard exterior that used to protect me. One that will surely leave me more vulnerable, more authentic and more receptive to love...and hopefully to more forgiveness.

Who Do You Think You Are?

I know, I know its been too long. I missed you too. My laptop had a virus, and then Vincent kinda sorta dropped it on the floor. Then my camera got wet and died. And I'm adjusting to my new job. Full plate right? But that's no excuse for not checkin' in with my homies.

And eventhough I have new art I haven't replaced my camera so I have no pics and Im bummed b/c I've found that opening up and sharing my art really helps me and even creates a sense of accountability...and you know my lil ADD mind needs that.

So instead of rambling on I'm posting a great article by a wonderful artist/coach that I plan on reading over and over again.I think, at least for me, when I ask myself this question it forces me to look at how my choices are either leading toward or away from my desired goal. A real kick in the tukkus. I really hope you enjoy it. SMOOCHES!

Who Do You Think You Are?

I'm tired as a...

...dog.
...hebrew slave.



I started work today and it was cool actually. (yes, im saying getting up way too early to do something mildly interesting and getting paid just above the poverty level can be cool, right? please say yes or I'm gonna eat a pack of raw fudge brownies right now.) It was a welcome break from being at home for the last almost three months.  I'm here to tell you there is no job harder than being a full-time at home mom and I have a lil confession to make(shhh)...I miss day care. I mean I really miss it. I love my son and I shouldn't feel bad for saying this BUT I need some time to myself. And not to go hang out or do anything special (but what would be wrong with that?) I just want some time when I'm not cooking, cleaning or trying to squeeze my big ass down kiddee slide (imagine a watermelon trying to make it through a straw).

For those of you who don't know I take care of V by myself. His father has never been in the picture (a whole other blog all together. remember, pot and oral sex do not go together not at all.) Anyway, this job is harder than I could ever imagine. But the good news is now that I'm working my little man will be back with his snotee nosed cohorts. and since I get off at 2:30 and noon on Friday I will get a little meeee time. Yippee!

On to art...I've got some stuff but don't feel like getting off my butt to hook up my camera to show y'all. Plus they're not finished. And I'm getting tired of pattng myself on the back for starting and not finishing a project. I did buyt some alphabet stamps this weekend but now am scared to commit to adding any writing. It's always something. I'm so scared of effin' em up that now they're starting to collect dust. Which is in total oppposition to this idea of selling my art so I don't have to go to that job up there. I can't sell it cus it's not finished. And its not finishd cus I don't wanna mess it up. Sounds like BS to me too. So I've got to make some decisions this week and ad some things to my Etsy shop by next week. The things I have on there now are just sitting and I don't really even reflect my current style. go figure. Well anyway, I'm off to wash the day off and finish off a bottle of vino. smooches!

On Finding My Style and Time for Personal Grooming

You know I had absolutely no plans today and so I thought it would be easy to et some things done. NOT. So tomorrow is a jam packed day and now I am scrambling tonight to get organized so most of it goes smoothly. And after taking a shower finally (yes its been 2 days) and getting my little gremlin in the bed (not asleep but at least contained in one place) I had to peep my head in to say Hey. That's how much I love y'all. And speaking of love I want to say a special thank you  to the talented, inspireing and kind ladies who take out the time to read and comment on my lttle blog. Y'all are the milk to my cookies.

I have been painting ALOT lately. And I think, I hope, oh I hope I am approaching my own personal style. I admit I have some art ADD but I feel like the more I work things out on paper and canvas the closer I feel I'm getting.... So here's what I've been working on. They are drafts and I'm going to ad some text but cant decide to hand write it or cut out printed type. What do yall think. More people are using the cut type and I'm trying not to be so anal about my own handwriting. Did I say anal? I meant nuerotic.

I've had a sketch of her for a few months now and finally got the balls to put paint to and she just opened up so much for me. I love her for that alone. And doesn't she look so full of thought, huh?

The camera doesnt really get all  the roughness that I love about the flower and how the blue's not quite opaque. cute.

I wasn't sure what this was gonna be when I started but I was pleasantly surprised. I also loosened the reigns on "matching colors" and just let my intuition guide me. The house is actually this cool melon orangy color. luv it.

She's a little blurry and excuse her zombie stare. I'm still working on her eyes. I think I want her to look down but not sure how to accomplish that...but i love her hair. Back in the day I had a color very similar to this just a lil more magenta, wth. ;-)

Love Changed My Life...New Art

I've been working really hard to find my own unique voice as an artist. And after my little mental BM post last night I feel "lighter". And this morning while rifling through some magazine pages I found the boost to get my booty moving. I'll post the close to finished or maybe finished pic tomorrow on my FB fan page but I thought I'd share some process shots. I always love how artist show how they get from one place to the next in a mixed media piece so....

It's late I don't feel like adding captions but I really loved all the magazine images. and layering the heart with tissue paper. And the trip part is I started this piece TODAY1 I am usually a slow worker but when I work quickly I don't have a chance to second guess my choices. Well that's it just wanted to share and I always get excited with new art....more tomorrow. PEACE OUT!