Just a Few Growing Pains

well i thought i'd update y'all on the ever closer move to Charlotte. it is still full speed ahead and i have a couple of interviews coming up this week (x ur fingers). you know it has been a real emotional and mental tug of war this thing. i have had to really release the notion that i should stay put just because i have a job and family here. its like cutting a zillion threads to what "they" say and following my own guidance system. and i tell you that sometimes it's been tuff for me to believe in the unseen.

before i had V i would jump up an go where ever, when ever. the running joke in our house is..."if it doesn't fit in the car...leave it!" i traveled very light and many times my life was like the sand on the beach, easily built and easily washed away. But now and i know i've talked about it before...the responsibility of being a single parent has made me much more cautious. and in many ways it has been good. but i do feel like i have to come to a middle ground and trust myself enough to know that i would never do anything to endanger my son's welfare.

with that being said i feel i need to tap into some more of that impulsive girl i once was. just because i became a mom doesn't mean the things i want have changed....i actually want more now. the anty has definitely been upped! And it's been a real test for me to add in the parts of the old me with the newer mommy me.

i realize i have to have more self-trust and stop looking at my life as a series of mistakes. it is instead has been a series of building blocks and lessons that have brought me to this point. i admit i was awful at paying bills, coming to work on time, knowing when to keep my trap shut, picking men..what ever it was, you name it i fucked it up.

so now here i am trying to make a 180 with out losing myself. and it ain't easy...not one bit.especially when you literally have another life depending on you. and i accept i will neva, eva, eva be a conventional, traditional chick. i was not made that way. but i still want to have success and happiness. so i'm left having to figure it out as i go while facing my own fears of not believing i can take care of us on my own.

that's the real deal of the whole thing right there in a nut shell. pow! at times, i am terrified that i can't do it but at the same time know i have no fucking choice but to make it happen. and sometimes i spend way to much time trying to figure out the HOWS instead of trusting in you know WHO. 

i know somewhere along the way i chose this path. i know the Godverse has some super spectacular and sparkly things for me and mine. and this is just a test. a test to see if i will trust, if i will turn my eyes and ears from the world and turn them inward and listen to the message and see the vision that has been placed on my heart. and as long as i do that, when i do that...the fear subsides and things seem to fall into place perfectly. when i don't...well you don't wanna know what.

so here's to less nail biting and more trusting.

thanks for listening!

Teach me...Teach me how to Jougie

well folks we're almost half-way around the track of 2011. i dont know why it seems like the older i get the faster the year goes by. and because of this i find i really have to get my ass in gear to get shit done. i have also realized its ok if some things fall by the wayside.

like laundry...i washed it & dried it one weekend...and then it sat in 2 big heaps on my bed until this past weekend. and guess what...it didn't bother me one damn bit. and when my munchkin needed his spider man underwear we just rifled through and bam there they were.

you wanna know why letting my room look like a laundry mat was just okie dokie with me?

a couple of weeks ago a vision of a circus performer juggling balls popped in my head. i saw him lightly tossing balls in the air, as he effortlessly caught another. and it dawned on me that it was ABSOLUTELY impossible for all the balls to be in the air at the same time. that little epiphany was like a huge gust of wind to my stale, dusty, old idea of doing it all.

and to take it another step i realized that a juggler...i think...starts with just one ball and then introduces another and when he's comfortable...then another....and another.  tell me...what fool just tosses all the balls up at one time and gets anywhere but hit on the damn head?

yep, that would be me. with my head tucked under my arms trying to escape my own foolishness.

since i became a single mom i've just been throwing it all up in the air and hoping...praying...NO begging that everything would just stay up there long enough for me to wipe my ass in peace and take a quick nap. well you know what happened dontcha? i ended up being one tired and pissy mamacita.

 all the bells went off in my head when i realized i had confused being a juggler with being a gotdam magician. you know a magician is only someone who spends a lot of time making you believe there are no strings attached to that hovering ball.

well im happy to report that now, aside from the bumps on my head, i'm a decent juggler for the most part. and when one ball falls, i stop, pick that one up and start back at it again. OR i  just leave that lil m-effer right there and pick it up later. and if they all fall, well maybe it's time for a cocktail. and i have to say im getting into a rhythm now...mom, day slave, artist, wanna-be-blogger, aspiring business woman, soon to be sex goddess (as soon as i get my stomach smaller than my ass).

and im cool with leaving the dirty dishes in the sink over night, wearing the same bra 2...or more days in row AND getting to work late just about everyday. and you know why...cus at the end who really gives a fuck about all that crap anyway. the only three balls that count are living, loving and laughing. so ha-ha-ha damnit.

Single Mom Poem

Its hard as hell 

finding time to blog. 

a list a mile long...

frustrating. 

blew the whole 

3 per week thing. 

oh well. 

i did shower 

3 times this week. 

what would i do 
with out small victories?

Oh yeah, i left this out...

since i posted yesterday i couldnt shake the feeling that there were some things i left out. honestly, after writing and re-writing i realized i had stopped editing my words and started editing my voice. i didnt want my mouth to write a check my ass couldnt cash. so i punked out jus a lil bit. and wasnt that the point of what not to do in the first place? so fuck it. so here's what i didn't say in part 1.

1. i understand this blog is not going to be everyone. no blog is. you may think it boring, scatter brained, foul mouthed, just plain too much information or all of the above. if you are one of those people i have to tell you...and i mean this in the best possible way...peace out. i wont miss you and im kinda looking forward to turning some people off.

2. if you think you might want to hang out here with all your dreams and fucked up-ness this is what you are liable to find.

• im a growth and development junkie and i love squawking about my aha moments
  
• im also a glam-hog. if it's shiny and expensive i probably like it. so pics on top of pics of high priced stylish interiors and fashions...that i plan to one day own will surely show up here
  
• you'll get a really-do look at my life as a single mom raising the cutest, smartest and loudest most demanding 3 year old on the planet.
• my creative mumbo jumbo...i'll post new and old, paintings, furniture, poems, essays....im cringing
• id also like to feature creative people i find inspiring...such a looooong list
  
• uhm, uhm i cant thing of anything else. but to cover my bases...anything goes
  

i really want to get up to posting multiple times a week and have these catchy titles for weekly topics.  but we'll see how that goes.


i think that's enough for now if i think of anything else...you know ill let you know.


hugs & holla back

Sharpening the Saw

sooo its an accomplishment in and of itself that i found time to post twice in one week. i think its been twice. its been twice in the last seven days. that's good enough for me. i also stole away an hour or so for myself today. im hiding out at the barnes & nobles until i go pick up my son from daycare. so ive gtot about 20 minutes to chit chat and post...so if this post is short and pretty pointless...bare with me. i have no idea what im whats gonna come this..i know you understand.

ive got a lot going on lately and all the balls in the air are making me a little pissy. So i ran through my mind trying to figure what the dealy was and i was surprised with what i came up with. 

its me. simple huh. i have changed. im changing. im dreaming again. im stretching again. im asking again. and like the blade being sharpened on the stone it is really rubbing my nerves.

circa 2008

i recently used this same analogy with one of my adult students before i had my lil aha moment. he was frustrated at not knowing some pretty basic grammar principles. i told him he was stretching and learning something that his mind is trying to reject because it has known something else for sooo long. i told him to breathe and be patient. that it would click soon enough and he'd test out of my class and be one step closer to his high school diploma.

i realize my students (and everyone close to me) are some real teachers for me sometimes (all the frickin time). i want to be a better painter now. i want to be a full time artist now. i want to feel like im on my true spiritual path now. i want to have income that allows me to finally move my son and me out into our own space NOWWWW. and don't let me get started on my personal life.

c. 2008

and in all this wanting and recognizing what i don't have i started discounting what i have accomplished...as an artist, as a mom, as a spiritual seeker.

so i want to take a minute to acknowledge all that i...and you are doing. i know what i want sometimes seems so far from where i am. but i have to realize that my (our) blade is getting sharper with every action i (we) take toward my dreams. so my advice to myself today  (and some of y'all too)

1. breath
2. chill out 
3. stop taking everything so effin serious
4. find some time for yourself (even if you have to hide in a closet)

and then hopefully we'll find things are really going better than we know.

<3

This, That and the Other

Well I just lost my whole freaking post...and I'm kinda pissed about it. I was gettin all deep working through issue #3,246 and wham i don't know what the eff happened. well needless to say i'll take it as a sign. "stop talking about it and just do it." said the Universe. So I'm off to complete my week 3 homework for my art class (im a week behind).

i will leave you birdies with some pics of some work that either; a) I just completed after some months 2) just started and finished or 3) just got around to scanning in.

a) i just got around to scanning. it's been done since the summer.

b) just finished after some eons. i've been workin on Miss Thang for a while but just finished her last week. 7.5 X12 recycled cabinet door.

Now i must say i love this one. it makes me smile everytime i read it. its the ultimate motivational saying. 7 X 8.5 recycled board.

or c) this one and the one above are NEW PIECES. i really love this abstract x-mas tree. the world is made from my most loved material, cardboard. 6X6 gallery wrapped canvas

 did i mention i got a new scanner(im sure i did its ALL im talking about right now. im more excited about this than when i got my mom-osine. the pictures are so vibrant. and its so fast and smooth and easy to use. i luv her so much i might have to name her. and it does make it a little easier not having my camera for now.

Any who, there they are. My next goal is to get my printer - the Epson 1400 to be exact. Miss Juliette Crane, a fellow flyer recommends it. It's kinda sorta in my budget so I'ma make the plunge....then comes the ink, paper, backers, mailers, return labels, business cards. Even though its quite an investment right now, I know the only way anyone else will take me serious as an artist is if I do the same. All in. SMOOCHES!

Been Gone a While...Catching Up

Hi U guys. I know it's been too long. All of my electronics decided to die at the same time and it's taken some time to get myself back up and running. While I'm not up to 100% I did get a new laptop (I highly recommend Best Buy open box items. I got a SUPER deal). so I can't complain. I'm realizing that keeping up to date with my gadgets has become more of a necessity than a luxury.

Lots of good things have been going on and I've been staying busy. Work is good and V is thriving @ his new day care. (Insert random cuteness here.)

Sometimes I look @ him and still can't believe he's mine. He's like a human Chocolate Chip!

 

And yes he is a ladies man. LOL

I did finally get my new(er) car a couple of weeks ago and I'm still over the moon about that. It's an '04 Town and Country van.

This isn't it but it looks just like this. My camera's gone to digital heaven so I had to borrow this pic from C-list.

 Now, who in the hell woulda ever thought I'd be in a mom-osine....and like it. Really I love it. Its fully loaded and more than I could've ever asked for. For most of you who know I've been on quite a journey over the last four years...bcoming a single mom, job layoffs and various moves up and down the east coast. And I finally feel like things are coming together for us and it feels SOOOOO GOOD! And I'm learning to let it in and to believe that I deserve to have good things happen to and for me. It's funny how we can ask for something and not believe we can have it. But when I started to believe it could happen...it did. I thank abraham-hicks for helping to get that through my thick skull ;-).


I'm also taking my first online art class. Kelly Rae's class was my first ever online class and this is my 2nd and focuses on finding your own personal style. The class is taught by an extremely talented and generous artist named Wyanne. She's out of FL and I'm very excited about the class

Our first assigment...getting back to basics using good ol' crayons.

 

 

Even though the main objective of the course is to help us develop our own style I believe that what I truly need is the support through techniques and support to have the COURAGE to express my own style. I hear HER and Im so excited to have taken the plunge and made the investment in me.

Well I guess that's  about it. I do have to make the donuts tomorrow so I better go pack my lunch and find out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. (I'll thank myself in the a.m. when I can get an extra 15 min).

More to come...smooches!

I'm tired as a...

...dog.
...hebrew slave.



I started work today and it was cool actually. (yes, im saying getting up way too early to do something mildly interesting and getting paid just above the poverty level can be cool, right? please say yes or I'm gonna eat a pack of raw fudge brownies right now.) It was a welcome break from being at home for the last almost three months.  I'm here to tell you there is no job harder than being a full-time at home mom and I have a lil confession to make(shhh)...I miss day care. I mean I really miss it. I love my son and I shouldn't feel bad for saying this BUT I need some time to myself. And not to go hang out or do anything special (but what would be wrong with that?) I just want some time when I'm not cooking, cleaning or trying to squeeze my big ass down kiddee slide (imagine a watermelon trying to make it through a straw).

For those of you who don't know I take care of V by myself. His father has never been in the picture (a whole other blog all together. remember, pot and oral sex do not go together not at all.) Anyway, this job is harder than I could ever imagine. But the good news is now that I'm working my little man will be back with his snotee nosed cohorts. and since I get off at 2:30 and noon on Friday I will get a little meeee time. Yippee!

On to art...I've got some stuff but don't feel like getting off my butt to hook up my camera to show y'all. Plus they're not finished. And I'm getting tired of pattng myself on the back for starting and not finishing a project. I did buyt some alphabet stamps this weekend but now am scared to commit to adding any writing. It's always something. I'm so scared of effin' em up that now they're starting to collect dust. Which is in total oppposition to this idea of selling my art so I don't have to go to that job up there. I can't sell it cus it's not finished. And its not finishd cus I don't wanna mess it up. Sounds like BS to me too. So I've got to make some decisions this week and ad some things to my Etsy shop by next week. The things I have on there now are just sitting and I don't really even reflect my current style. go figure. Well anyway, I'm off to wash the day off and finish off a bottle of vino. smooches!

On Finding My Style and Time for Personal Grooming

You know I had absolutely no plans today and so I thought it would be easy to et some things done. NOT. So tomorrow is a jam packed day and now I am scrambling tonight to get organized so most of it goes smoothly. And after taking a shower finally (yes its been 2 days) and getting my little gremlin in the bed (not asleep but at least contained in one place) I had to peep my head in to say Hey. That's how much I love y'all. And speaking of love I want to say a special thank you  to the talented, inspireing and kind ladies who take out the time to read and comment on my lttle blog. Y'all are the milk to my cookies.

I have been painting ALOT lately. And I think, I hope, oh I hope I am approaching my own personal style. I admit I have some art ADD but I feel like the more I work things out on paper and canvas the closer I feel I'm getting.... So here's what I've been working on. They are drafts and I'm going to ad some text but cant decide to hand write it or cut out printed type. What do yall think. More people are using the cut type and I'm trying not to be so anal about my own handwriting. Did I say anal? I meant nuerotic.

I've had a sketch of her for a few months now and finally got the balls to put paint to and she just opened up so much for me. I love her for that alone. And doesn't she look so full of thought, huh?

The camera doesnt really get all  the roughness that I love about the flower and how the blue's not quite opaque. cute.

I wasn't sure what this was gonna be when I started but I was pleasantly surprised. I also loosened the reigns on "matching colors" and just let my intuition guide me. The house is actually this cool melon orangy color. luv it.

She's a little blurry and excuse her zombie stare. I'm still working on her eyes. I think I want her to look down but not sure how to accomplish that...but i love her hair. Back in the day I had a color very similar to this just a lil more magenta, wth. ;-)

Let the Rambling Begin

1. I don't have any pictures to keep you visually stimulated and probably wont advertise this post on FB. I just wanted to vent.

2. I went to GSO to sub for the week at the community college. and while the good news is they offered me a job. It's p.t. but the hourly pay sorta makes up for it. Sorta. The bad news is they only get paid once a month. Meaning it would be the end of October before I got a check big enough to rent a place. And my credit is so jacked up it still probably won't be enough. For the first time I'm condidering applying for public housing. Oh the shame, who am I kidding. I'll be there first thing Monday morning.

3. My schedule it totally effed up after being away from my paint for a week. I haven't made anything for 2 weeks and am kina scerred to put paint down. I've had too much time to think bout it all.

4. While I loved making my little magnets, I'm now like wondering if they are really any good. How in the hell am I gonna make enough money selling $10 cardboard magnets?

5. I'm so sick of dishes and dirty clothes every frickin day.

6. I quietly beat myself up everyday for not being able to make enough money to take care of my son independently.

7. I'm considering starting a new blog about my life as a single mom and my constant pangs of inadequacy.

8. Why is it everytime I have a good idea and tell someone all the fizz goes out of it? And why can't I keep my big mouth shut?

9. I was about to tell y'all something, I really want to but I'ma try and keep it to myself.

10. Eventhough my life is nothing as I expected it to be, sometimes I think this is all happening for a reason and if I just keep pluggin away and staying focus on my BIG dream it might actually happen.

If God Loved Stilettos...

Well I got back from Greensboro subbing before my perm class starts and am just getting back in the swing of things. So I just wanted to pop in and say "Hey" and let y'all know what's been up with me.

I just finished posting the most beautiful pair of shoes I have ever owned on Ebay for sale....I feel (a little) like Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac. I know that's a little bit dramatic, but dam they are the most goregously stunning pair of metallic, snakeskin, platform sandals..and they are comfortable TOO. And I'm just hoping God will light a burning bush and tell me its all a cruel joke.

"Jennifer, those shoes look sooo good on you, you must keep them for eternity. And oh yeah, go out and get a dress to match....this I command of thee." 

Eventhough I got them for Christmas post having Vincent, they still represent the life I'd like to have again at least a little itty bit. But the reality is I spend more time in my Crocs and since I've been out of work for about six weeks now and while the wheels are turning and I'll be going back to work in a couple of weeks I need the money now. On top of that my laptop has caught the equivalent of  HIV and I can't even get online so I've highjacked my mom's laptop to get some things done.

I've got some other things cookin in the kitchen but tonight I'm just having a little seperation anxiety, so I thought I'd give a shout out and see if I could get a materialistic, shop-a-holic, used to be hot mama, shoulder to cry on. If not it's ok too. I've got a cocktail and hot shower waiting and that should do the trick too. And for those of you wondering what my babies look like here's a stock photo to drool over....

For once 6" is really a lot.

On my second glass of wine and...

I've been thinkin' about this process Im in of finding my authentic voice as an artist. Then it dawned on me, with the help of my friend Merlot, I don't need to find her. SHE is not lost. I need to find more ways to allow her to come out of the basement closet (I thought she'd be safe there). So I, along with my

  trusty apprentice (yes I have kidnapped the entire table. thanks mom) have been making a mess and making some major head way...

washing dishes and...

eating molasses soaked wheat toast and blueberries while we watch Toy Story for the 33rd time. And I've even found some time to paint (ill have pics in a couple of days).

And it has been a real blast. You see I'm a master of imagining the worst possible scenario and then filling my mind and body with enough anxiety to make people refer to me as a royal B.

I don't know how they could think such a thing about yours truly (hee-hee) but I can honestly say I'm a little nicer since I've let "her" out to play.

BTW, a community college called me today while me and my sidekick were out playing on swings. She wants me to start work on Monday. Part-time but its sure better than no-time. I guess there are a few side benefits to deciding to chill the eff out.

Have a great weekend!

New Magnet Art

Hey sweet peas! I got my lil schmookie down and managed to upload pics of some new art I'm working on and thought I should take advantage of this rare time with my laptop.

I started working on these a few weeks ago out of sheer necessity. They are quick (I'm result not process oriented) and cheap. And since I'm on a budget I canuse what I've already got (paint, cardboard box, a dull pair of scissors - yay!). I also needed some reminders that could slap me back into the reality and kick my inner critique to the curb. All I had to buy were the magnets to cut and adhere to the back side. So with out further delay (since I'm about to start stalling)...

whoever they are....

sometimes I wonder...

good question. sometimes I know the answer...

They're all roughly about the size of my BlackBerry. No two are the exact same size though. I like the imperfectness of them. I really need visual reminders and lately the sweet  fuzzy affirmations haven't been working for me. If you don't know by now I shoot from the hip and these little sassy fridge magnets are doin' it for me right now. 

Since the pics are uploaded I should be posting them on my Etsy page tomorrow (I'm going to veg out on HGTV when I finish this post). And speaking of Etsy, I'm thinking of starting a new shop specifically for these little bugars ( I have more and lots of ideas for more - some for mature eyes only...oooooh). From a business standpoint, I don't want to mix apples and...walnuts. But we'll see. It would mean coming up with a new shop name and the whole marketing shabbadoowhop and I don't have the time for my current shabbadoos.

Anyway I just wanted to put them out there with my test group. Not too much else brewing besides still looking for a job....which is a whole other bag of wollybodydingdong (sorry, I had to get that out). But I'll keep y'all posted. Smooches and night-night!!

Pitter, Patter Go the Steps of Success

Hi u guys! I'm mobile blogging for the first time today so yay for me. I recently enlisted the help of my Google calendar to whip me into shape and it so kindly sent me a reminder to my phone. So here I am takin' a pause from my errands to check in with my crew.

I don't have anything juicy or super inspiring today but that's okay too. Sometimes this road is not scenic or awe filled. Sometimes the journey to your dreams means doing wutchu gotta do. And the trip part is when I get my mundane tasks (don't get me wrong, talkin 2 y'all is far from mundane but I can sometimes doubt it's healin powers, thus bringin out my lazy bones)completed I'm  inspired 2 take other steps.

So here I am stepping. Stepping closer 2 b-living in my talents and stepping closer 2 building my life my way...one step at a time. ok, gotta go. I luv all y'all! CU later gators!

Houston, We Have Landed!

I'll start with y son's newest favorite thing to say to any and everyone who crosses his little path... 

hey you guys! 

I have really missed this little blogita and all of you and you and you too. And speaking of my little cubby hole, my hasn't she grown over the last week. Yay! I want to send the biggest teary eyed THANK YOU out to all of you who have commented lately and left your warm wishes and words of encouragement. I don't know about any of you but I've never felt like I was a part of something...but I do now and it is all its chalked up to be...as long as you don't ask me to drink some purple punch. :-) But truly I don't know how to put it with out sounding like a goof ball but I really feel each of you and I'm sending so much love to all of you. XOXOXOXO

Now to the business...tomorrow will be a week since we came back to NC. My mama has taken up "shackin'" with her new "boy" friend. (yes they are over 60 and acting like teenagers!) So V and I have the house to ourselves. Which is nice after living with family for the last year. We haven't been up to too much aside from visiting old friends and making sure Vincent's schedule stays consistent as possible. So we've been hitting up playgrounds and groups, ferris wheels and today we went to the pool and he had a BALLLL! I also found some art galleries so we'll tour those next week. And since I havent blessed my mama's house with the mess that is my studio (yet), I've been taking lots of pics of my little town...and since I've been carrying you all with me I thought I'd share some.

One of my BFF's boys & Vinny clowning around -i love that they're growing up together

and their super duper cute and cuddly sister Isabella (with her rib bone)

oh, the bliss of wallowing in sand when there's a perfectly good playground only 2ft away 

 its tobacco season in the country

the itsy-bitsy post office i used to go to with my dad when i was V's age

and there we are in the white house. and yes that's even more tobacco

had to include this one...he is intently waiting for the LG to blow the whistle so he can get back in the water.

I hope I'm not beating a dead horse but...I'm so grateful to this blog and you all. It has allowed me to stay connected when many strings are dangling every-which-a-way. Thank you again and I'll be back with more soon. SMOOCHES!!

Business Building Monday

I like the sound of the title of this post. Kinda sounds like I'll do it every Monday. Sounds like a great idea...hmmm. We'll see. I'm just so inspired by the Flying Lessons e-course I'm taking right now. Just when the ebb of my confidence and gumption was peaking and doubt and second guessing myself started to sink in here comes my collaging-mommy 2B-super hero-teacher-cheer leader Kelly Rae with week 4 of her class on building a successful and balanced art business. The part that really stuck out to me today (surprisingly) was the piece on the importance of a newsletter and how it has helped her business. Well first of all I didn't think I had anything to talk about worth bugging folks every month about. But after hearing her side of the story i think about it a little differently and now...I'm pumped up to get started on a newsletter. And hopefully you'll check it out and find it valuable.

So to stay on track since I do have the propensity to start something and not finish it (did i say that??) I thought I'd put a little outline of what you can expect from the M2BM - M2BU newsletter.


1. Inspirational word/thought  - this is a great way to share some of my favorite lessons and teachers with you guys.

2. Works in progress - I love seeing the creative process of artists I follow and think it gives a nice inside scoop on what is going through an artist mind.

3. A personal tidbit -  on my working, mommy, daughter, friend, explorer life. You're sure to find pics of my super cutest son Vincent who I just can't get enough of...here's a peak at one of his latest pics...

can't you tell he's been taking pics his whoooole life!

4. Artist spotlight - here I'll share (or hopefully interview ) an artist (painter, writer, singer, etc.) that I enjoy or feel inspired by. Who knows, you might see you here one day!

5.  Sales &Promotions - Pretty self explanatory.... more info of how you can take a little piece of me home.

6. What to look for next month - Teasers of the juicy-ness to come.

Well, I hope this has wet your whistle. It has mine and I guess it has also put the heat on me to get to the gettin' on delivering the goods right? And since I seem to work better under pressure,  I'm thinking I'll have a newsletter out by...ok I'll just put it out there - July 1 (did I just say that too?). Well I guess I better get to work. OK, gotta go - Bye!

Checkin in w/ My Crew!

Hi all! My boss is on vacay all week (yeah!!!) So I thought I'd drop by and do a lil chit-chat. We're cool like that right? Great.

Random #1

Well, this is a journal page i started last night after V went to sleep. I've been very resistent about starting an art journal. but I've learned that it is just fear so I decided to throw some paint and will work on it some more tonight. Isn't it funny how fear can convince you that you don't really like something, when in fact its exactly what your heart is calling for? Well anyway, this is in its early stages and I'm trying not to to think about the end project and focus on the process...pray for your girl on that one.

Random #2

 Here's my favorite lunch time spot...I can get out of my office and 4get about all the madness. And check out this great banner hanging across the street from my job.

I turned the chair around so I could face the garden.

It's at this random intersection. Love it!

Random #3

Uhm, well what else is going on around these parts??? Oh yeah, my job will be over here at the end of the month. I've been temping since I moved here almost a year ago. My hope was that I'd get a permanent federal position and V and I would settle here for a while. But it's funny how things work out. Just as the job thing hasn't worked out the way I thought I also realized I'm really not a city girl after all. I like the activities and a lil hustle and bustle but I am a country girl at heart. So, at the beginning of the month we'll be moving back to NC. I'm excited but there is still much on my mind. While I am finally beginning to honor my inner guidance I sometimes second guess my intuition because everyone around me is doing the opposite and they seem to have it going on and I'm facing some pretty public challenges. But you know what it's not gonna stop me. So I just wanted to share a bit of my innerds with you. i know you don't mind. ;-)

I'll end with a pic of my inspiration for it all - my shmookie-shmoo! 'Til next time...

I just look at him and that smile & know exactly what I need to do.

The Ever Present Silver Lining

I posted this picture today because it describes exactly where I am. The last three years have tested me in everyway imaginable. I became a single mom to a wonderful son and found myself in too many new and challenging experiences to go into in this post. So I just wanted to acknowledge the journey, full of all its pot holes, detour signs as well as the views and wonderful folks I've met along the way.

I know it is far from over as my little one is only coming up on his 3rd birthday but for the first time in longer than I can remember I can see some light piercing through those clouds. And for the first time in just as long I can say I am proud of myself. I have given this new role as provider, nurse, disciplinarian, cook, advocate, protector, Mother everything I've got. And I have surprised even myself b/c I didnt know what this job would require and once I did I didnt know if I had what it took to pull it off.

But today I'm more sure than ever that I have what it takes to care and provide for both of us and even manage to carve out a little time for nurturing my creative spirit. And surprisingly, I have found that when I do that I am actually a better mother. More patient, less uptight, prone to let the little things slide. Even more than that I hope it serves as an example for him to always find time to feed his spirit in whatever way serves him best.

We are now only a few weeks away from making yet another move. We will be staying with my mom for a while in rural NC. The once beloved fast paced of a major metropolitanc city has turned into a rat race and left me a little worse for wear. I look forward to a place where strangers look you in the eye and speak and I'm only a few steps away from fresh cut grass under my bare feet. The sun is indeed starting to shine again and I feel it's warmth beginning to envelope me.

My First Blog Entry

Hi everybody! I mean its only me but I doing a little creative visualization. LOL. I just set up this blog, not my firtst...I was on another but was unable to access it at work, where I have the most. if any time at all to blog. But this is fabulous and am very optomistic that I will be able to keep this blog current.

Well let me introduce myself. My name is Jennifer and I'm a single mom of the cutest two year old little boy I have ever seen. I currently live in the DC area but am a southern girl at heart and will be back there before the summer is up (Yes!). This blog is an eclectic mix of my life as mommy, friend, daughter and as far as this blog goes most importantly emerging artist. I have fallen in complete love with the mixed media collage and all its quircky unruly-ness.

I have been creative for as long as I can remember from clothes, writing, spoken word, photography...the list goes on. Whats different this time? I'm coming out of the perverbial "creative closet" and pursuing a livelyhood in the arts. Wheh I felt my chest cave a little when I wrote that. This is a huge transition for me and has many implications on so many levels, many if not all I will get into as we get to know each other.

Well I'm not gonna chew your ear off. I'll leave you with a few pics of my life. I'm so excited we met and am super jazzed about this next phase of the journey.