A New Adventure

i know its been forever and a day...or at least it seems that way. and so much has happened and is happening since my last post...and i could spend all day aplogizing but...i would put off writing another day. which would turn into another month and next thing you know it'd be snowing outside. you get it? so let's just get on with the get on.

20x30 biggest painting to date...excited to do more!

i've benn in Atlanta for almost a month now. i know my plans were to move to Charlotte and i said id never, ever move back to the A...ever again. well i was wrong. and boy am i glad. this has been one of the most exciting, expanding, inspiring months i've had in i don't know how long. and ive been loving every minute of it.

8x12 a pretty big eyed, big haired girl

i have been enjoying old friends and making new ones. over a year ago i set out the intention to meet more like minded people. people like me. and for a girl who thought she was so alone on this planet and would never see an accurate reflection of who she really was....i have been happily proven wrong once again!

8x12 a lovely reminder not to listen to "them"

im so full of ideas and creativity. coming up to the time i decided to move back to atlanta, i realized the things i missed most and wanted back in my life were DISCOVERY, ADVENTURE & EXPLORATION. and i realized i could do that and still be responsible and still be a good mom. so one opportunity presented itself and i lept. then another and i lept again. and then another...well you get it.

my greatest work of art!

im so happy to be feeling more secure and confident in my personal guidance system. it feels good to start to trust myself again. it feels so good to get back to living again. and the world has been so welcoming and im welcoming it again. so you understand why i've been a little mia...but i'll try my best to keep this thing we've got going...because i like it. and i like you too.

HUGS & HOLLA BACKS!

Journaling

you know what i hate? edges. i hate painting edges. i see other people's art...im always peekin' and snoopin' around other artist's work...anyway i see these beautiful edges that just seem to extend off the page of the canvas. me. i dont even like to paint my edges. im not good with details. they overwhelm me. of course i like what "they" are doing more than what moi is up to. and i need to just do me damn it.

painting forces me push through my fears of rejection and notions of not being good enough. and sometimes i dont push though. i just sit there and stare at the canvas and decide...not tonight...not this week.

and other times...

I'm the Fly Girl of the Week!!

Just poppin in to let you all know that this week i'm featured in on of the flyest ((hint, hing)) blogs in the blogosphere!! I have been following Andrea's Fly Girl blog for some years and am still hooked. She has always been and still is ahead of the game when exposing talented, stylish, ambishous and uber creative women of color.

she generously spotlights a Fly Girl of the Week, every week and this week IT'S ME!!!! you know we have not because we ask not. and sometimes when we ask we still think....nawwww, they ain't gonna pick me, little ol' me. but holla atcha girl!!!! she picked me for this week and im so over the moon.

so stop by and check me and Andrea out.

Unexpected and Kinda Cool

some how i found the ranky-dankiest laundry mat to wash my comforter. it was just me an this old man who looked like he moonlighted as Santa during Christmas. but after i got my quarters and wash going this place started to take on a personality of its own. so here's what it looks like when me & my iphone stumbled back in time.

Journaling

i have a lot of energy this morning. and my mind is going a zillion different places. bouncing. rolling. jumping. doing back flips inside my head. im not thinking much about work even though im here. i can't wrestle it in. slippery little thing the mind. it wants to play and i need to work. i have a week off for spring break at the end of april. hopefullyi will be able to get some creative play in then. i usually start thinking about all the things i need to get done and my vacays turn into work days. we'll see

i haven't been painting much in the last couple of weeks. i've been plotting my move and making plans for my t-shirt line. sometimes the ideas get so big they won't fit in my body. i want to be more flexible and allow them to expand me like those balloons at party city. just let them fill me up and i float off into the sky. that sounds really nice. not fighting against my dreams with my fists of reality. organization. time lines. comparisons. expectations. i want to surrender more and think less about how its going to work out. and when its going to work out. i want to see it as already worked out. or at least see that it is working out. i can sometimes. but i realize patience is not my strong suit. i want it all and i want it now. i know. coo coo for co co puffs.

so ill pretend im that balloon. letting life fill me up. and im floating.

Where the He!! Have I Been?

okay so im gonna try and make this quick. the quicker i post the less i obsess. the less i obsess the more likely you are to read this TODAY not one day in July. isnt it great to witness my neurosis in all it's glory. thanks. ur such a pal.

so its been damn near 2 weeks since i posted. quite the opposite of  my 3-4 times a week goal. and i say to that..HA! what the fuck was i thinking. i beat myself up for oly posting once a week and now look. damn. never good enough i know. i only like doing the things i cant do. if i can do it with ease...im not all that interested. didn't you know, life's supposed to be hard as hell. so im right on track with that one right? NOT!! its not but i see i have a tendancy to make it that way. and its no easy cliff to back away from. but i shall dam it...i shall. and starting with today. i refuse to apologize for not making this blog the grammy/emmy/bet/mtv/greatest blog ever winning blog in the whole frickin blogos-thing-a-ma-jig.

the truth is i have A LOT of shit going on. like...

my muse has taken a turn and has me in a new creative direction. i have long dreamed of having my own line of sassy and inspirationial t-shirt line. when i say long, i mean like 7 or 8 years ago and well it has resurfaced in full force and taken me by storm. i feel so inspired by the vision. i also feel so frustrated by not being able to do it EXACTLY how i want to. and i also feel so anxious that if i don't do it now then it might be too late. i know those last 2 are nutin but the devil knockin on my door. "get out a her you dam demon you!" but overall im truly excited and feeling even closer to my authentic creative voice. so more on that a lil later...and its gonna be sooo good!

i have also finally decided its time to move out of my mom's place and start looking for a job in charlotte...i sure hope no one from my current j.o.b. is reading this. oh well. if you are please know i have enjoyed my time but it's time to move on. but anyway...i've been out on the track like a hooker in high heels peddlin my resume all over the net. my intended move date is MAY 15. that also means ive been looking for an apartment and daycare. and hopefully they'll all be near each other (fingers and toes crossed). i can't believe ive been back in nc for almost a year and living with my mama to boot. and we have not tried to poison or choke each other not one time. dam now that's progress. but i feel i've mended my wings and its time to fly again. i'm really excited and of course ill keep ya posted.

i think even more than the 5 or 6 physical directions ive been going in, my mind has been just as full. there are some big things on the horizon...good things...and im having to really process it and keep the voices in my head at bay. i could say so much about that but the bottom line is i won't be deterred by anyone...not even myself. so take that you over-active, extra-critical, scared-to-death inner critic. i got your number!


ok luv ya but gotta go. i hope to be back very, very soon!

holla!

Oh yeah, i left this out...

since i posted yesterday i couldnt shake the feeling that there were some things i left out. honestly, after writing and re-writing i realized i had stopped editing my words and started editing my voice. i didnt want my mouth to write a check my ass couldnt cash. so i punked out jus a lil bit. and wasnt that the point of what not to do in the first place? so fuck it. so here's what i didn't say in part 1.

1. i understand this blog is not going to be everyone. no blog is. you may think it boring, scatter brained, foul mouthed, just plain too much information or all of the above. if you are one of those people i have to tell you...and i mean this in the best possible way...peace out. i wont miss you and im kinda looking forward to turning some people off.

2. if you think you might want to hang out here with all your dreams and fucked up-ness this is what you are liable to find.

• im a growth and development junkie and i love squawking about my aha moments
  
• im also a glam-hog. if it's shiny and expensive i probably like it. so pics on top of pics of high priced stylish interiors and fashions...that i plan to one day own will surely show up here
  
• you'll get a really-do look at my life as a single mom raising the cutest, smartest and loudest most demanding 3 year old on the planet.
• my creative mumbo jumbo...i'll post new and old, paintings, furniture, poems, essays....im cringing
• id also like to feature creative people i find inspiring...such a looooong list
  
• uhm, uhm i cant thing of anything else. but to cover my bases...anything goes
  

i really want to get up to posting multiple times a week and have these catchy titles for weekly topics.  but we'll see how that goes.


i think that's enough for now if i think of anything else...you know ill let you know.


hugs & holla back

The Reclamation of ME

i love hip-hop music. and if you pull up next to me at a red light you are liable to see me in my mom van bobbin my head to lil wayne and daydreaming about me, him and my 2-piece on south beach. (yes, i know he’s only a little taller than my son and has stones for teeth…just let me have this one). On the other hand you can also catch me in deep reflection while listening to the wise words of wayne dyer. and yes we’re in maui and ive traded the 2-piece for a citrus colored sarong. what can i say…im in love with two waynes.

 

if you are still reading this, maybe you are getting the point of this post. maybe not. but if you're still reading that's good enough for me.

since i picked back up the paint brush and the pen almost a year ago, i have found myself struggling to find my own authentic voice. i hear it in my head and even see it in my mind’s eye but when i go to create it, it becomes illusive like smoke and at same time stiff, like hard cement.

don’t get me wrong. i know why this is. over the years i have brainwashed myself into believing that because my delivery of the message was different from what I see in the main stream that there is no place for me. and that basically I had to become creatively anorexic so no one will be offended or God forbid, un-friend me on facebook or stop following my blog. 

through a powerful coaching process im enrolled in i now realize this is so much bigger than some paint flung on a canvas. this is about all the ways i have choked the life out of my dreams and watered down my passions because i couldn’t understand how all my opposites could survive, let alone thrive in this one body. many times  I have set the fire of my desire only to go back and create a perimeter of water around it so it didn’t get out of control.

because what would happen if my dreams and passions burned like wildfire? lord help us if they took over and I became a slave to my soul’s deepest longings.

this blog has become such a wonderful mirror for my spirit. i see how i've been on the side lines of my own life and wondering why no one will throw me the ball. as far as here i have let some personal things about me out of the bag. but i have also struggled with how much to share, how to share it and if anyone would really give a damn.

M2BM started out an artistic outlet. but it has reignited my love of writing and reminded me that i am a natural communicator and storyteller. it has also reminded me of the lighter, more playful side of my life that i thought i had to trade in for the responsible single-mom card. i want to inspire and connect with people. i just have to do it my way. and @ 36 years old I realize im not gonna change. and why should i?

i'm now ready to get on with accepting my smart, sexy, ambitious, sensitive, creative, spiritual self. and that also includes accepting my potty mouthed, know-it-all, insecure, nerdy, stuck-up, shallow self as well. and i got a inklin' that this is exactly how im gonna find my REAL place in this world. and that alone makes all the bull shit ive put myself through sooo worth it. 

so this blog and i may go through a few tweeks until we find our groove. but our groove we will find. i am sure of that. and until next time, thanks for lettin me bend your ear.

XOXO 

Sharpening the Saw

sooo its an accomplishment in and of itself that i found time to post twice in one week. i think its been twice. its been twice in the last seven days. that's good enough for me. i also stole away an hour or so for myself today. im hiding out at the barnes & nobles until i go pick up my son from daycare. so ive gtot about 20 minutes to chit chat and post...so if this post is short and pretty pointless...bare with me. i have no idea what im whats gonna come this..i know you understand.

ive got a lot going on lately and all the balls in the air are making me a little pissy. So i ran through my mind trying to figure what the dealy was and i was surprised with what i came up with. 

its me. simple huh. i have changed. im changing. im dreaming again. im stretching again. im asking again. and like the blade being sharpened on the stone it is really rubbing my nerves.

circa 2008

i recently used this same analogy with one of my adult students before i had my lil aha moment. he was frustrated at not knowing some pretty basic grammar principles. i told him he was stretching and learning something that his mind is trying to reject because it has known something else for sooo long. i told him to breathe and be patient. that it would click soon enough and he'd test out of my class and be one step closer to his high school diploma.

i realize my students (and everyone close to me) are some real teachers for me sometimes (all the frickin time). i want to be a better painter now. i want to be a full time artist now. i want to feel like im on my true spiritual path now. i want to have income that allows me to finally move my son and me out into our own space NOWWWW. and don't let me get started on my personal life.

c. 2008

and in all this wanting and recognizing what i don't have i started discounting what i have accomplished...as an artist, as a mom, as a spiritual seeker.

so i want to take a minute to acknowledge all that i...and you are doing. i know what i want sometimes seems so far from where i am. but i have to realize that my (our) blade is getting sharper with every action i (we) take toward my dreams. so my advice to myself today  (and some of y'all too)

1. breath
2. chill out 
3. stop taking everything so effin serious
4. find some time for yourself (even if you have to hide in a closet)

and then hopefully we'll find things are really going better than we know.

<3

Grabbing for my dream...an Inspirational Tale

This blog is as much about inspiration and following your dreams as it is a place where I can show my art and shoot the gip. Well today I have a wonderful story of a woman living in my town. Her name is Mandy Campbell and she is the owner of Extreme Cakes. I just finished reading an article on her in our local paper Her type of baking has become very popular on TLCand The Food Network but her story is such an inspiration that I thought I'd share it here with my homies.

First of all I was shocked to see someone having a store dedicated to 3-D sculptural cakes in this small town I live in. Insert critiques voice...IS THERE REALLY A MARKET "HERE" FOR "THAT"? So I read on and find out that recently she was asked by the Smithsonian (yes the one in D.C) to create a cake to commemorate thee100th Anniversary of the Museum of Natural History.

Here she is with the  5 feet long and 2 feet high replica of the Natural History Museum Building

Well you know what I thought. OUT OF ALL THE CAKE BAKERS IN THE WORLD HOW DID THEY PICKED HER FROM SMALLVILLE USA? So I'm really getting into the article now THEN I find out that this seasoned baker's store has only been open ONE MONTH! And she's already in the paper and making cakes for the Smithsonian. What's up with that?

By now it's just me and the paper. I gave my students their work and I'm lost in this odyssey. (Yes I am at work reading the paper and typing this blog...but it's not what you think. Well maybe, but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.) Anyway, I turn the page, completely enthralled in her meteoric rise and see that TLC has also contacted her and is thinking of featuring her on Amazing Cakes.

She looks like she's about to bark!

popcorn cupcakes. How come I never thought of that? LOL

  Ok. Ok. Ok. Now I'm  fired up and thinking to myself...I have to meet this wild woman. But here's the clincher folks, the ICING ON THE CAKE so to speak.

She has only been doing sculptural cakes for SIX MONTHS!

As an artist,  I sometimes wonder how I can EVER bring this deep passion of expressing myself through colors, shapes and textures to the surface of my life. Well reading this article touched every part of me and piece by piece dismantled all of my reasons WHY NOT. I'm so touched by Mandy's story that I think I might just have to stop by her shop today and meet her in person.

OLD Reasons IT won't work...

1. No one can find me because I live in a small town.
2. There's no market for what I do
3. Or even better, everyone is already doing it.
4. I don't have enough experience or knowledge.
5. It's going to take forever...or longer.

NEW reasons why IT will DEFINITELY work...

1. Any and everyone can find me if I put myself out there to be found. The Internet connects us all.
2. There's absolutely a market for what I do.
3. I really do have something unique to offer.
4. I've been creating all my life this new mixed media is just an extension. And I'm dedicated to learning more and honing my craft. AND

5. My level of accomplishment is directly related to my efforts and my belief in myself....Dam, that was deep. 

You know sometimes my dream can seem so far away but in times like this it feels a little closer. And what if it really is closer, much closer than I ever imagined.

The only way I'll know is if I reach out and grab at it. So I'm gonna go grab at my dream today and I might even get to grab a little piece of cake while I'm at it.

Been Gone a While...Catching Up

Hi U guys. I know it's been too long. All of my electronics decided to die at the same time and it's taken some time to get myself back up and running. While I'm not up to 100% I did get a new laptop (I highly recommend Best Buy open box items. I got a SUPER deal). so I can't complain. I'm realizing that keeping up to date with my gadgets has become more of a necessity than a luxury.

Lots of good things have been going on and I've been staying busy. Work is good and V is thriving @ his new day care. (Insert random cuteness here.)

Sometimes I look @ him and still can't believe he's mine. He's like a human Chocolate Chip!

 

And yes he is a ladies man. LOL

I did finally get my new(er) car a couple of weeks ago and I'm still over the moon about that. It's an '04 Town and Country van.

This isn't it but it looks just like this. My camera's gone to digital heaven so I had to borrow this pic from C-list.

 Now, who in the hell woulda ever thought I'd be in a mom-osine....and like it. Really I love it. Its fully loaded and more than I could've ever asked for. For most of you who know I've been on quite a journey over the last four years...bcoming a single mom, job layoffs and various moves up and down the east coast. And I finally feel like things are coming together for us and it feels SOOOOO GOOD! And I'm learning to let it in and to believe that I deserve to have good things happen to and for me. It's funny how we can ask for something and not believe we can have it. But when I started to believe it could happen...it did. I thank abraham-hicks for helping to get that through my thick skull ;-).


I'm also taking my first online art class. Kelly Rae's class was my first ever online class and this is my 2nd and focuses on finding your own personal style. The class is taught by an extremely talented and generous artist named Wyanne. She's out of FL and I'm very excited about the class

Our first assigment...getting back to basics using good ol' crayons.

 

 

Even though the main objective of the course is to help us develop our own style I believe that what I truly need is the support through techniques and support to have the COURAGE to express my own style. I hear HER and Im so excited to have taken the plunge and made the investment in me.

Well I guess that's  about it. I do have to make the donuts tomorrow so I better go pack my lunch and find out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. (I'll thank myself in the a.m. when I can get an extra 15 min).

More to come...smooches!

Who Do You Think You Are?

I know, I know its been too long. I missed you too. My laptop had a virus, and then Vincent kinda sorta dropped it on the floor. Then my camera got wet and died. And I'm adjusting to my new job. Full plate right? But that's no excuse for not checkin' in with my homies.

And eventhough I have new art I haven't replaced my camera so I have no pics and Im bummed b/c I've found that opening up and sharing my art really helps me and even creates a sense of accountability...and you know my lil ADD mind needs that.

So instead of rambling on I'm posting a great article by a wonderful artist/coach that I plan on reading over and over again.I think, at least for me, when I ask myself this question it forces me to look at how my choices are either leading toward or away from my desired goal. A real kick in the tukkus. I really hope you enjoy it. SMOOCHES!

Who Do You Think You Are?

Inspiration @ the SPARKcon Art Festival

We went to the really inspiring SPARKcon festival in Raleigh last Saturday. The pics speak for themselves. Gorgeous weather and all these talented NCState (the majority) students creating these TEMPORARY and public works of art.It was all done in pastels and by Monday morning (today) it will be replaced by rush hour traffic.

These were all only identified by a number in the bottom right hand corner.

This one brings tears to my eyes everytime I look at it. Its about childhood homelessness. dam.

Oh, yeah these went on for blocks and blocks. And blocks. I was so inspired.

Did you think he was gonna let them have all the fun? They had a kids (and big kids ) area at one intersection.

 I was so proud of myself for not whippin' out my wet wipes.LOL

My most beautiful work of art. I must gush for just one moment....I look at this picture and remember when

he was just seven pounds and laying on my chest. We have come a long way and I'm really happy to be building these creative memories with him. My Schmookie.

I'm tired as a...

...dog.
...hebrew slave.



I started work today and it was cool actually. (yes, im saying getting up way too early to do something mildly interesting and getting paid just above the poverty level can be cool, right? please say yes or I'm gonna eat a pack of raw fudge brownies right now.) It was a welcome break from being at home for the last almost three months.  I'm here to tell you there is no job harder than being a full-time at home mom and I have a lil confession to make(shhh)...I miss day care. I mean I really miss it. I love my son and I shouldn't feel bad for saying this BUT I need some time to myself. And not to go hang out or do anything special (but what would be wrong with that?) I just want some time when I'm not cooking, cleaning or trying to squeeze my big ass down kiddee slide (imagine a watermelon trying to make it through a straw).

For those of you who don't know I take care of V by myself. His father has never been in the picture (a whole other blog all together. remember, pot and oral sex do not go together not at all.) Anyway, this job is harder than I could ever imagine. But the good news is now that I'm working my little man will be back with his snotee nosed cohorts. and since I get off at 2:30 and noon on Friday I will get a little meeee time. Yippee!

On to art...I've got some stuff but don't feel like getting off my butt to hook up my camera to show y'all. Plus they're not finished. And I'm getting tired of pattng myself on the back for starting and not finishing a project. I did buyt some alphabet stamps this weekend but now am scared to commit to adding any writing. It's always something. I'm so scared of effin' em up that now they're starting to collect dust. Which is in total oppposition to this idea of selling my art so I don't have to go to that job up there. I can't sell it cus it's not finished. And its not finishd cus I don't wanna mess it up. Sounds like BS to me too. So I've got to make some decisions this week and ad some things to my Etsy shop by next week. The things I have on there now are just sitting and I don't really even reflect my current style. go figure. Well anyway, I'm off to wash the day off and finish off a bottle of vino. smooches!

On Finding My Style and Time for Personal Grooming

You know I had absolutely no plans today and so I thought it would be easy to et some things done. NOT. So tomorrow is a jam packed day and now I am scrambling tonight to get organized so most of it goes smoothly. And after taking a shower finally (yes its been 2 days) and getting my little gremlin in the bed (not asleep but at least contained in one place) I had to peep my head in to say Hey. That's how much I love y'all. And speaking of love I want to say a special thank you  to the talented, inspireing and kind ladies who take out the time to read and comment on my lttle blog. Y'all are the milk to my cookies.

I have been painting ALOT lately. And I think, I hope, oh I hope I am approaching my own personal style. I admit I have some art ADD but I feel like the more I work things out on paper and canvas the closer I feel I'm getting.... So here's what I've been working on. They are drafts and I'm going to ad some text but cant decide to hand write it or cut out printed type. What do yall think. More people are using the cut type and I'm trying not to be so anal about my own handwriting. Did I say anal? I meant nuerotic.

I've had a sketch of her for a few months now and finally got the balls to put paint to and she just opened up so much for me. I love her for that alone. And doesn't she look so full of thought, huh?

The camera doesnt really get all  the roughness that I love about the flower and how the blue's not quite opaque. cute.

I wasn't sure what this was gonna be when I started but I was pleasantly surprised. I also loosened the reigns on "matching colors" and just let my intuition guide me. The house is actually this cool melon orangy color. luv it.

She's a little blurry and excuse her zombie stare. I'm still working on her eyes. I think I want her to look down but not sure how to accomplish that...but i love her hair. Back in the day I had a color very similar to this just a lil more magenta, wth. ;-)

Love Changed My Life...New Art

I've been working really hard to find my own unique voice as an artist. And after my little mental BM post last night I feel "lighter". And this morning while rifling through some magazine pages I found the boost to get my booty moving. I'll post the close to finished or maybe finished pic tomorrow on my FB fan page but I thought I'd share some process shots. I always love how artist show how they get from one place to the next in a mixed media piece so....

It's late I don't feel like adding captions but I really loved all the magazine images. and layering the heart with tissue paper. And the trip part is I started this piece TODAY1 I am usually a slow worker but when I work quickly I don't have a chance to second guess my choices. Well that's it just wanted to share and I always get excited with new art....more tomorrow. PEACE OUT!