But what I didn't realize was the word had already chosen me.
Then when I did realize it I said to myself, "Self, how can that word possibly last all year long? Once you got it, you got it right?" And then i thought, I don't want to beat a dead horse. And does this word bring up too many bad memories that I have to sift through?
Well, I soon uhm how do you say, humbled myself to the truth. The truth that this word never gets old and is so underused and misunderstood that I could find a million ways to use it, to share it, to meditate on it. So much so that it could become my word for life. I know this because when I think of it my heart swells and the tears well up in my eyes. My mind goes to all the names & faces that I owe this word to. Some I am asking for it and others I'm giving it to.
The word is FORGIVENESS.
I can barely type it with out becoming a blubbering mess. I mean in my intellectual mind I know life is short and there are too many things to do other than hold on to any grudge or ill memory. But my ego with it's marathon memory and Olympic strength has the will and power to hold on to some really old shit. And with that same will and power it is able to justify all its own wrongs.
And what I have realized is that FORGIVENESS leads to all sorts of beautiful words that through it's healing power I can more fully embrace. Words like...
APPRECIATION...FUN....LIGHT HEARTEDNESS... LAUGHTER......CREATIVITY...INTIMACY...CONNECTION...
So with that being said, I embark on a new soul's journey. One that has already began to crack that now useless hard exterior that used to protect me. One that will surely leave me more vulnerable, more authentic and more receptive to love...and hopefully to more forgiveness.