Trying Something New

Most of you know one of my bigger than big dreams is to have a line of greeting cards and stationary...to go along with my line of home goods. and since shakin things up with the move i've been feeling a lil frisky so i'm puttin it into my work.

Here's an initial attempt. I'd love to here what ya think...i think.

Poem c. 2000

i been wanting to put some of my old writings up for a while now. and i just finished putting together a website for M2BM. and since there's been so much shakin' and moving around here i figured this was as good a time as any. enjoy.

they say i won't make it past tomorrow.
cuz when they look at me all they see
is the pain, the grief and the misery.
but i know that inside of me a seed it grows
and all it needs is a ray of hope
and the brights sunshine of possibility.
it takes me to fly so high above the trees.
it takes me to fulfill my destiny.

A New Adventure

i know its been forever and a day...or at least it seems that way. and so much has happened and is happening since my last post...and i could spend all day aplogizing but...i would put off writing another day. which would turn into another month and next thing you know it'd be snowing outside. you get it? so let's just get on with the get on.

20x30 biggest painting to date...excited to do more!

i've benn in Atlanta for almost a month now. i know my plans were to move to Charlotte and i said id never, ever move back to the A...ever again. well i was wrong. and boy am i glad. this has been one of the most exciting, expanding, inspiring months i've had in i don't know how long. and ive been loving every minute of it.

8x12 a pretty big eyed, big haired girl

i have been enjoying old friends and making new ones. over a year ago i set out the intention to meet more like minded people. people like me. and for a girl who thought she was so alone on this planet and would never see an accurate reflection of who she really was....i have been happily proven wrong once again!

8x12 a lovely reminder not to listen to "them"

im so full of ideas and creativity. coming up to the time i decided to move back to atlanta, i realized the things i missed most and wanted back in my life were DISCOVERY, ADVENTURE & EXPLORATION. and i realized i could do that and still be responsible and still be a good mom. so one opportunity presented itself and i lept. then another and i lept again. and then another...well you get it.

my greatest work of art!

im so happy to be feeling more secure and confident in my personal guidance system. it feels good to start to trust myself again. it feels so good to get back to living again. and the world has been so welcoming and im welcoming it again. so you understand why i've been a little mia...but i'll try my best to keep this thing we've got going...because i like it. and i like you too.

HUGS & HOLLA BACKS!

Just a Few Growing Pains

well i thought i'd update y'all on the ever closer move to Charlotte. it is still full speed ahead and i have a couple of interviews coming up this week (x ur fingers). you know it has been a real emotional and mental tug of war this thing. i have had to really release the notion that i should stay put just because i have a job and family here. its like cutting a zillion threads to what "they" say and following my own guidance system. and i tell you that sometimes it's been tuff for me to believe in the unseen.

before i had V i would jump up an go where ever, when ever. the running joke in our house is..."if it doesn't fit in the car...leave it!" i traveled very light and many times my life was like the sand on the beach, easily built and easily washed away. But now and i know i've talked about it before...the responsibility of being a single parent has made me much more cautious. and in many ways it has been good. but i do feel like i have to come to a middle ground and trust myself enough to know that i would never do anything to endanger my son's welfare.

with that being said i feel i need to tap into some more of that impulsive girl i once was. just because i became a mom doesn't mean the things i want have changed....i actually want more now. the anty has definitely been upped! And it's been a real test for me to add in the parts of the old me with the newer mommy me.

i realize i have to have more self-trust and stop looking at my life as a series of mistakes. it is instead has been a series of building blocks and lessons that have brought me to this point. i admit i was awful at paying bills, coming to work on time, knowing when to keep my trap shut, picking men..what ever it was, you name it i fucked it up.

so now here i am trying to make a 180 with out losing myself. and it ain't easy...not one bit.especially when you literally have another life depending on you. and i accept i will neva, eva, eva be a conventional, traditional chick. i was not made that way. but i still want to have success and happiness. so i'm left having to figure it out as i go while facing my own fears of not believing i can take care of us on my own.

that's the real deal of the whole thing right there in a nut shell. pow! at times, i am terrified that i can't do it but at the same time know i have no fucking choice but to make it happen. and sometimes i spend way to much time trying to figure out the HOWS instead of trusting in you know WHO. 

i know somewhere along the way i chose this path. i know the Godverse has some super spectacular and sparkly things for me and mine. and this is just a test. a test to see if i will trust, if i will turn my eyes and ears from the world and turn them inward and listen to the message and see the vision that has been placed on my heart. and as long as i do that, when i do that...the fear subsides and things seem to fall into place perfectly. when i don't...well you don't wanna know what.

so here's to less nail biting and more trusting.

thanks for listening!

Journaling

you know what i hate? edges. i hate painting edges. i see other people's art...im always peekin' and snoopin' around other artist's work...anyway i see these beautiful edges that just seem to extend off the page of the canvas. me. i dont even like to paint my edges. im not good with details. they overwhelm me. of course i like what "they" are doing more than what moi is up to. and i need to just do me damn it.

painting forces me push through my fears of rejection and notions of not being good enough. and sometimes i dont push though. i just sit there and stare at the canvas and decide...not tonight...not this week.

and other times...

I'm the Fly Girl of the Week!!

Just poppin in to let you all know that this week i'm featured in on of the flyest ((hint, hing)) blogs in the blogosphere!! I have been following Andrea's Fly Girl blog for some years and am still hooked. She has always been and still is ahead of the game when exposing talented, stylish, ambishous and uber creative women of color.

she generously spotlights a Fly Girl of the Week, every week and this week IT'S ME!!!! you know we have not because we ask not. and sometimes when we ask we still think....nawwww, they ain't gonna pick me, little ol' me. but holla atcha girl!!!! she picked me for this week and im so over the moon.

so stop by and check me and Andrea out.

Teach me...Teach me how to Jougie

well folks we're almost half-way around the track of 2011. i dont know why it seems like the older i get the faster the year goes by. and because of this i find i really have to get my ass in gear to get shit done. i have also realized its ok if some things fall by the wayside.

like laundry...i washed it & dried it one weekend...and then it sat in 2 big heaps on my bed until this past weekend. and guess what...it didn't bother me one damn bit. and when my munchkin needed his spider man underwear we just rifled through and bam there they were.

you wanna know why letting my room look like a laundry mat was just okie dokie with me?

a couple of weeks ago a vision of a circus performer juggling balls popped in my head. i saw him lightly tossing balls in the air, as he effortlessly caught another. and it dawned on me that it was ABSOLUTELY impossible for all the balls to be in the air at the same time. that little epiphany was like a huge gust of wind to my stale, dusty, old idea of doing it all.

and to take it another step i realized that a juggler...i think...starts with just one ball and then introduces another and when he's comfortable...then another....and another.  tell me...what fool just tosses all the balls up at one time and gets anywhere but hit on the damn head?

yep, that would be me. with my head tucked under my arms trying to escape my own foolishness.

since i became a single mom i've just been throwing it all up in the air and hoping...praying...NO begging that everything would just stay up there long enough for me to wipe my ass in peace and take a quick nap. well you know what happened dontcha? i ended up being one tired and pissy mamacita.

 all the bells went off in my head when i realized i had confused being a juggler with being a gotdam magician. you know a magician is only someone who spends a lot of time making you believe there are no strings attached to that hovering ball.

well im happy to report that now, aside from the bumps on my head, i'm a decent juggler for the most part. and when one ball falls, i stop, pick that one up and start back at it again. OR i  just leave that lil m-effer right there and pick it up later. and if they all fall, well maybe it's time for a cocktail. and i have to say im getting into a rhythm now...mom, day slave, artist, wanna-be-blogger, aspiring business woman, soon to be sex goddess (as soon as i get my stomach smaller than my ass).

and im cool with leaving the dirty dishes in the sink over night, wearing the same bra 2...or more days in row AND getting to work late just about everyday. and you know why...cus at the end who really gives a fuck about all that crap anyway. the only three balls that count are living, loving and laughing. so ha-ha-ha damnit.

Say Cheese!

i had a really bomb personal, professional moment almost 2 weeks ago and u know i have to share.

i had been looking for a photag to help me get my pro image going. of course i went to my bestie Craig's List and hit pay dirt with Bessie. she's this amazing and photagrapher/humanitarian/beauty queen AND mom. and she's from the A...so you know we hit it off right away and had a great shoot.
here are a few of my favs...there are many more but im not gonna make you completely gag with my ham-ness...

You know I realize now that i was wanting "others" to take me serious as an artist so i could then take me serious. and that shit had me really fucked up. have you ever felt like you needed to know how something was going to turn out before you moved forward? I think its a kinda common thing...which was good because when i realized it wasn't only me i knew i could do something about it...and this photo shoot was just that.

ive also put my money where my mouth is in a few other things and i'll be sharing somethings from the lab verrrry soon.

She also took some pics of me with my art....

 

And of course here we are at the end of the shoot...

Aren't we lovely? ;-)

I'm so thankful for the experience of moving forward with my dreams...giving 'em feet and wing's. and i know that when i take one step...the Universe takes like 10. and that feels really good.

Unexpected and Kinda Cool

some how i found the ranky-dankiest laundry mat to wash my comforter. it was just me an this old man who looked like he moonlighted as Santa during Christmas. but after i got my quarters and wash going this place started to take on a personality of its own. so here's what it looks like when me & my iphone stumbled back in time.

My very 1st blog feature EVA!

hey sweet peas! i have special post over at Do What You Love 4 Life. this is such a beautiful site by a very generous artist, business woman & sister girl Bethy-boo (yes that is her new official name.lol).

even though i sometimes shriek at my own life, i truly feel its healing for me to be as honest as possible about my experiences on this amazing, crazy, overwhelming journey as an artist and single mom.

i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i much i did writing it. and to my new angel Beth, thank you is simply not enough.

Letting 'em All In

I've been going through stacks of old projects this week. Unfortunately I have Neva Good Enough syndrome. So I realized I was completing projects with out feeling any pride or sense of accomplishment. No matter what I felt like a failure. In turn I'd turn my attention else where ending up starting over or resigning to do things that I was passionate about because I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing I did was was worth two cents.And it didn't help that I had interests all over the board.

Well, the past two years have been full of learning and letting go. And while I'm def a work in progress I'm learning to accept and acknowledge myself. And with that, I also realize that whether than try and limit my interests I'm gonna let 'em all in. So in the spirit of putting it all out there and lovin what is....here are...with one eye closed...pics of some things I've done over the last five years. 

Interior Design

This was my first room for my good fried Deanna. c. 2006

A "soft" zen dining room for a client in Atlanta. c. 2007

The living room for the same house.

This was my last project before I moved to DC in 2009. As I look back I kinda like it.

 Kid's Room Hangers

 

I made these for one of my bestie's little boys.

 Wall Art

c. 2007

c. 2007

 Photography

c. 2009 @ a Park in Greensboro

c. 2009

c. 2007 Atlanta

c.2007 Atlanta

The last 3 pics were taken in my good friend's beautiful backyard. I still really like these pics

c. 2007