ive got a lot going on lately and all the balls in the air are making me a little pissy. So i ran through my mind trying to figure what the dealy was and i was surprised with what i came up with.
its me. simple huh. i have changed. im changing. im dreaming again. im stretching again. im asking again. and like the blade being sharpened on the stone it is really rubbing my nerves.
i recently used this same analogy with one of my adult students before i had my lil aha moment. he was frustrated at not knowing some pretty basic grammar principles. i told him he was stretching and learning something that his mind is trying to reject because it has known something else for sooo long. i told him to breathe and be patient. that it would click soon enough and he'd test out of my class and be one step closer to his high school diploma.
i realize my students (and everyone close to me) are some real teachers for me sometimes (all the frickin time). i want to be a better painter now. i want to be a full time artist now. i want to feel like im on my true spiritual path now. i want to have income that allows me to finally move my son and me out into our own space NOWWWW. and don't let me get started on my personal life.
and in all this wanting and recognizing what i don't have i started discounting what i have accomplished...as an artist, as a mom, as a spiritual seeker.
so i want to take a minute to acknowledge all that i...and you are doing. i know what i want sometimes seems so far from where i am. but i have to realize that my (our) blade is getting sharper with every action i (we) take toward my dreams. so my advice to myself today (and some of y'all too)
- chill out
- stop taking everything so effin serious
- find some time for yourself (even if you have to hide in a closet)